What the actual blog?

San Bruno

2010-09-10T14:04:00.001-05:00

I first saw the news at about midnight last night when I woke up and checked my phone for the Giants score. I started noticing all these tweets about a massive fire in a suburb of San Francisco. At the time, I didn't think much of it, I was still sleepy and partially distracted by my team being one game behind the NL West lead. So, it wasn't until about five am Chicago time when I got a phone call from my mom telling me and my aunt and uncle were safe, all though homeless.

They lost their home in the fire, all that stands seems to be the brick fire place and the metal shell of their cars. My uncle is staying in the hospital, probably until Monday due to burns and severe smoke inhalation. According to my aunt, they heard a loud explosion at dinner time and the entire house shook, they thought a plane had crashed, that's how loud the explosion was. By the time my uncle ran outside to look, his house was already catching fire. My aunt managed to flee with minor injuries, but my uncle had gone back to the house to rescue their two dogs that were in a kennel out back. He was not able to save the dogs.

I guess I'm telling you this because an entire neighborhood is gone. Over 50 houses are just GONE. 120 plus house have damage to them and at least 6 are dead, hundreds more injured. I am sure both of those totals will continue to climb. The thing about fire and smoke damage is that even if your house isn't completely destroyed, your belongings might be. Many residents had to flee their homes with nothing more than their lives, they have no clothes, no belongings and they need our help.

The most reputable source of donating is the Red Cross with the instructions to direct towards San Bruno. Also, I know my aunt and uncle are without clothing and well everything else, so if you live near San Fran and don't want those clothes that don't fit anywhere, lots of people are in desperate need of them. I know that people have been asked to donate blood in the surrounding areas of California, they are in desperate need of 0 negative. While I live in Chicago, I plan on donating, while it won't directly go to San Bruno it will help out those in need as a whole.

So, that was kind of depressing, next depressing subject:

9/11

Yeah, that's tomorrow. It's been 9 years and I still break down in tears every time I hear about it. Tomorrow is an emotional day for all of us and while I do tend to get political about a lot of things, tomorrow is not and should not ever be political. I will never forget about the loss of life, or the amount of bravery and selflessness that was portrayed that day. As a nation we came together as one and it seems like now, more than ever we need to find that in ourselves again.

I guess all I have left to say is hug your loved ones today.

Exodus

2010-08-23T19:32:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of things on my mind, first, I cleaned my keyboard a few days ago, it was just a sticky mess and somehow, I couldn't get the "j" key back into it's proper hole so now I have to use a pointy object to press the "J" button.

This is really messing up my typing prowess but I am learning to use words that don't have j's in them. Yeah, roll deep, yo! (I dunno, either).

Secondly, I am taking a break from a few things, mostly men and relationships. I need some times to focus on other things. Work is crazy busy and we are in the middle of expanding and my work (I was going to type ob stupid missing letter) load has about tripled. So, gah. I am notoriously bad at picking quality boyfriends and now is really the time to figure out why I am doing so. You can only blame the men for so long before you realize it's not them, it's you.

So, it's me and I'm going to do some soul searching. I'm going to be like Ulia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love except it's going to be Not Eat as Much, Pray a little, Love Thyself. I will let you all know how that goes.

My second big thing is I am not sure where this blog is going, I do this a lot where I start blogs then kind of fizzle out. I need to be better about that, or not, whatever. I am actually pretty amazed I have kept up with my Project 365 blog, mostly because I actually feel lost if my camera is not on my person.

So, that's it. I think. I'll get back to you if anything comes up. Maybe.

Rehabbing

2010-08-20T16:32:00.000-05:00

I know when it started, it was about 7 years ago, I was recovering from a bad car accident, I was mentally and physically tore up. Wracked in pain, feeling helpless because I couldn't do the things I wanted. I went from an sporty, top of my class sophomore in college to a depressed, tired junior who struggled making it to class.

My injuries healed but I couldn't get back into the groove I had before. It hurt to run, my ankles protested every step. So I stopped. Then home life got hard, my financial situation was in despair, I was in medical debt from a car accident that wasn't my fault, so I turned to the one thing that I knew comforted me.

I moved out and ~~continued~~ started dating a guy I thought I loved, who was also married and boy was that stupid. Our relationship was what is expected of a foolish 19 year old kid pretending to be an adult. It sucked and I once again turned to the thing that I thought made me happy, my drug of choice.

Then there was my son and I cleaned myself up for him, nothing went into my body that wasn't pure. Then the aftermath of the situation left me once again unable to find my groove and I found myself rounding the drain.

A few years later I struggled, sometimes on the right track other times not so much and then I got accepted into nursing school in the Pacific Northwest. I gained the freshman fifteen and struggled with trying to find my place in a town I really wanted to love but felt incredibly alone in. I hated my job, started hating my school and fed my loneliness with the one thing that made me feel better.

Food.

I know I have a problem, I know I have an addiction. I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am happy, I eat for every occasion. And it's not good, it's borderline dangerous. But it's stopping now. Today. Not tomorrow, because tomorrow never comes.

I've tried lots of diets, from starving myself to only eating meat. But, those don't work, at least not for me. I have to treat this like an addict one. Drug users can't just prick the vein with the heroin needle. They can't go anywhere near it, once a drug user, always a drug user. Like the Marines, only more scratchy.

So, it starts, I have to cut the sugars, the cokes, the chocolate, the calorie-rific foods that have lead me down this bad path. You can say I will feel deprived, but food is my drug, I have to cut out the bad completely to become clean.

It won't be easy, but nothing worth having is easy.

So, here we go, on this incredibly long journey. For health.

Seeing Sarah

2010-08-19T15:44:00.000-05:00

My friend Sarah is making her way to New York to start fall classes at NYU for her PhD in Genetics. SHE'S GETTING HER PhD IN GENETICS. So, yes, she is way smarter than I am, but she still loves me, so you know, that makes me feel less like a dumbass in her presence.

We met 7 years ago in chemistry class at SSU. I was hobbling around on a bionic ankle and trying to juggle books and crutches and well, I have the grace of a drunken rabid Zebra, so she helped me and soon became my lab partner and soon my co-worker and we became fast friends.

Some of my best drunk stories are with Sarah in downtown Santa Rosa trying to hail cabs barefoot.

So, it really wasn't a big decision when she called me and asked if I would be available to have lunch as she passed through Chicago on her way to NYC. I jumped at the chance to see my friend I graduated college with, my friend I worked with and the first girl I kissed. And no, nothing else happened, although, I won't lie, I tend to kiss the Sarahs.

We had lunch in Millennium park and she told me about her new man, which I am almost positive I will soon be calling her husband. Things are good for her and I am so happy for her.

Out of all of us, Sarah deserves the most happiness.

And remember her face friends, she's going to be knocking the genetics world on their asses. She is that amazing.

And as she said, somewhat cheekily, "long live Seawolves" and I concur, I just hope she doesn't become a Yankees fan.

A Giants Prayer

2010-08-13T14:36:00.001-05:00

A Giants Prayer

God grant the Giants wisdom, to tell a strike from a ball,
to know where to throw and for the Padres to fall.
Keep them always in the base line, running straight and true
and they'll look for your sign, to not stretch an out into two.
God give them vision, to see every pitch,
and to have the patience to not swing like a bitch.
Let Panda always hustle, so he'll be at his best
and take pride in himself, in sports and the rest.
God give them strength, when they throw the ball
when they're far from home plate, or against a wall.
Please guide their bats for a smash

so that we can finally see ball number 55 splash,

God please guide Bochy, to play smart,
to not put Rowand in the lineup, to not have a sad ride home on BART .
Let's not lose, just a well deserved win,
to do any less, is surely a sin.
As long as they can play, let them make us proud,
as proud as they are, when we yell their names out loud.
However their games end, let them always have fun
and if Heaven has All Stars, they'll surely will be one.
Oh and Lord, as fans we suffered quite,

first place we'd sure like a bite.

~FIRST PLACE! I mean AMEN!

Stolen and maimed from here .

I don't want to jinx it but we can surely use some wins against the Padres.

Matching the song to the memory

2010-08-11T21:09:00.000-05:00

I have always been fascinated with the way the brain works, for me there a few certain songs that instantly bring me back to a moment in time, good or bad or just average.

Rihanna "Disturbia" - I know this sounds weird but when I arrived in Seattle, the first time I saw the skyline was right after this song came on the radio. I had just drove up a slight incline on I-5 when the Space Needle came into view and now every time I hear this song, I remember that feeling. It was a good moment, I was on my own, I was starting a new life.

Gin Betty "Bar Glow" - not the most popular song but I was walking Alki Beach in Seattle on my first date with this boy and we had just seen these guys open for Keaton Simons, this song was stuck in my head when I kissed him for the first time. What sucks? Every time I hear this song I'm reminded how much I am not over him.

Pete Yorn "Lose You" - Last year I was a big blip user and one of "DJ's" I follow happened to blip this song, it was soon after my brother died and just seemed to fit. Every time I hear it, I just became a weepy mess, sometimes it's good to let out the grief that never really goes away.

Like I said, it's odd how memories can be attached to songs or physical objects, but they are, it's not always a bad thing but maybe what's needed for that moment.

In other news, I am going home to California for a long weekend at the beginning of October. The weekend will be comprised of a fancy-schmancy cocktail party at a winery that will more in likely be a huge bore until a Government official gets drunk and angry. That's always been a highlight of these things. Then I plan on crushing some grapes with my feet which yes some wineries still do but no you won't be drinking any of my toe jam. This particular winery as the policy of you pay to pick the grapes and stomp them then we throw it out. It's still fun though and tourists ~~stupid dumbasses~~ pay the winery to pick grapes that the winery pays people minimum wage ~~ahahahaha, yeah right~~ to do.

But that's California for you.

I really don't have other news, I have been in a blogging slump, mostly because I have been bogged down with work and a personal life and trying to follow the best team in baseball, my San Francisco Giants. But, I promise a few posts in the future, maybe, if I feel like it.

So, minions, what songs resurface memories for you?

The 7 things I should be embarrassed about but I'm not

2010-08-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

It's not-so-embarrassing secrets day here at What the actual blog?

Here are mine:

1.) I have a small collection of stuffed animals that sit on the top shelf on my closet. I don't sleep with said stuffed animals, in fact I don't even play with them or look at them most of the time. They are just there. No, I will not get rid of them, they will probably just be passed on to future devil offspring of mine.

2.) There are days at work where I find myself seeking solitude and a moment of uninterrupted peace and quiet, so I hide in the bathroom. I, of course, make sure my patients are fine and settled but I have learned that the bathroom is the one place where I will not get bothered. I don't think this makes me a bad provider, I think this makes me a better provider, because I know I need a minute to gather my thoughts and center myself before walking back on that floor. I love my patients but sometimes they annoy the crap out of me.

3.) I used to ride motorcycles, I mean actual motorcycles, I rode for about a year a 2000 Kawasaki Ninja 250r, it was red and black and god I loved that bike. My mom hated it and tried to get me to sell it on several occasions. The reason I am kind of embarrassed about it? Motorcycles are a bit heavy, in case you didn't know and on more than one occasion while stopped, I had a hard time keeping the bike upright. On more than one occasion, I had the bike topple over while waiting. Obviously, I suck at motorcycle riding, although, I really was good at the driving part, just not the holding the bike up part.

4.) I can't poop in a public restroom. I know my bathroom habits is the last thing you want to think about but suffice it to say I have some poop anxiety.

5.) I once got into a bar fight and got my ass kicked. I mean, my ass was kicked, actually just my jaw. I am not proud of it and but not entirely embarrassed about it, you can't live your whole life regretting the past. But I did learn one thing, no man is ever really worth getting punched in the face for. Seriously.

6.) Being a former Jehovah's Witness. I know a lot of former JDubs blame the religion, I guess I sometimes do to, but in reality it's a fine religion, just not for me. See, I like sex, I don't much like knocking on doors and have the attention span of a gnat in church. I still carry some of the beliefs with me to this day and that's about the best I can do with that. Love me or hate me being a former JDub has changed the way I view things.

7.) I love Katy Perry. I know saying that sentence just made all two of you vomit, but there is something about her music that makes me want to get up and dance and sometimes that just enough.

Don't judge me.

Hexed

2010-08-06T18:29:00.000-05:00

My cat put a hex on me.

No, seriously.

Let me explain, I have a long hair Maine Coon cat, basically he's a big, sturdy fur ball and I live in Chicago which is hot and humid during these summer months and while my cat stays inside the A/C isn't always on. So, I shaved him a few weeks ago and on Monday I decided he needed some maintenance done on his new do.

Rufus (the cat) is groomed in the fashion of a lion and I started with his tail and while I wasn't paying attention, I kind of shaved him bald. Just a little bit, ahem, I mean not completely, he does have the lion puff at the top. Now, Rufus has always been proud of his tail, he's always held it high and meticulously groomed it. Well, he's a tad embarrassed about his newly bald tail. So, embarrassed that he doesn't hold it high while he struts around the house, he keeps it tucked away.

I know what you're thinking, ~~catlady~~, so, how did he hex you? Well, I mean minutes after I shaved him I got into a minor car accident where I hit my head. The cars are fine, my head is fine, just sore, bruised and a bit whip lashed. I mean, this could be a coincidence, right? Things happen? Right?? Wrong.

Wednesday night, I noticed more hair growth on Rufus near his paws, so I grabbed my clippers and went at it, he was not pleased and was mewing and crying and all around being a big baby about me shaving another small bald spot into his back. So, off he went to hide in a corner and sulk. Then comes Thursday morning, I'm pushing a mop and bucket because we had Lake Dialysis near some machines and I had just soaked it all up and you know to be safe, I was moving the mop and bucket away from the patients. Well, I slipped and fell and did the splits ~~rated a six by a snotty French judge~~.

Two injuries after two cat shavings. This can't be a coincidence, I know that bastard cat has a voodoo all of me. I knew I should have been concerned when I woke up in the middle of the night and he was plucking my hair.

If you don't hear from me tomorrow, call the cops, I just noticed another spot I missed on the cat.

Biology

2010-08-02T15:33:00.001-05:00

I love biology. I've lived and breathed it for years, I've loved it since I was a little girl and when people ask me to explain something, most of the time, I say it's "biology" as if everyone should just know. It's life, that biology, it makes things work, it makes things breathe, it can make things flourish or perish and mostly, it is the only thing that makes sense to me most of them time.

Biology can explain almost everything in this world. Well, almost everything. Not everything is revealed through the study of life, not everyone's behavior can be explained by blaming a lacking enzyme, sometimes it's just because. I guess, that's the hardest part for me, I like to investigate the reason behind actions, it's what attracted me to science in the first place. It makes sense. But people don't make sense to me. Perhaps, it was my upbringing, or perhaps it's just the way my brain works.

I'm of course, not blaming my parents or my brain chemistry, I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be but I do take responsibility for my actions. I think I make the most out of my existence on this planet. I am a fierce friend, I give everything I have towards the people I've deemed worthy and everyone else, I slowly block out.

The funny thing about science is, it proved to me there is a God, having a higher power mixed into this crazy world of ours is the only thing that makes sense, it fits the equation.

You can call me a hypocrite if you want, maybe my opinions of religious sects make some people feel uncomfortable, but they are my opinions. We are still allowed to have opinions, yes? I thought so. See, the distaste left in my mouth with religion is not with the religion itself but with the people. I believe actions speak louder than words. You can say you believe in God, you can go to church and sit through sermons and be as holy as you want in church, but that doesn't matter if your thoughts and actions prove otherwise in life outside the pew.

I don't go to church, but I pray to God and I read my bible and try my best to be nice to everyone. Do I fail sometimes? Yes, I'm not perfect but as a whole I think I am a good person, I don't speak badly of people, I don't call them names. I simply ignore the ones that consistently prove to me that they are less than friends.

But my actions speaker louder than any words can ever explain. And that's what I take with me everyday. Some people won't like you and you won't like some people. It's life and with that it's time to move on.

In other news, GOOOOOOOO GIANTS!!!

Random

2010-07-27T18:37:00.001-05:00

I've been seeing this meme around lately where you put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first 25 songs. So here are mine.

California Waiting - Kings of Leon
For the record - Mariah Carey
New Slang - The Shins
My life with you - Gin Betty
Lucky - Jason Mraz/Colby Caillat
At Last - Etta James
Fucking an Animal - Gwar
First Chance - David Gray
Looking out my back door - CCR
Jesus take the wheel - Carrie Underwood
Is she really going out with him? - Joe Jackson
No line on the horizon - U2
I'm the least you can do - The Bloodhound Gang
Chains of love - Erasure
I gotta feeling - Black Eyed Peas
You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
3 - Britney Spears
Lose You - Pete Yorn
Better in time - Leona Lewis
If I ever leave this world alive - Flogging Molly
Discovery Channel - The Bloodhound Gang
Trouble - Ray LaMontagne
Bloody Knees - Gin Betty
Dirty Little Girl - Burn Halo
Last Kiss - Mariah Carey

Now, I can totally explain the Mariah Carey. I, um, well you see, I had this friend, and well, um, so basically I own a few CDs and never exactly took them off my iPod. So yeah, um, no judgement, please?

There are some songs on here that also took me by surprise, like Pete Yorn's "Lose you", that song makes me breakdown into sobs every time I hear it. It's the perfect sad reminder of my brother, I still can't believe he's gone.

~~**~~

Interviewed for a "promotion" at work. It would be more responsibility and not exactly a big raise, but enough to keep me interested for a few more months until I make a big decision about what I want to do with the rest of my life, career wise. I have almost everything figured out. I love the city I live in, I like where I live, I like my simple little life. I wouldn't mind a handsome dark haired fellow to share it with, but those things will come in time. But the job? Well, call it being burned out and unsatisfied, but I've always been immensely independent, so I will make something else happen, or find a way to be satisfied in the one I have.

~~**~~

I know I have guilty of it once or twice, but I am getting rather annoyed when people complain about where they live. I mean, if you hate it so much, why don't you just move? And before anyone says "you can't just pick up your entire family" well, actually you can. If something makes you so unhappy, then change it! Hell, I moved two thousand miles away because I couldn't deal with the dark winters of Seattle. And yes, I complained about it, but I changed my surroundings to make myself happy.

And I am pretty happy in Chicago, as I said on twitter, this is not the worst state ever. Every other state in this wonderful union has it's set of problems just like Illinois does.

~~**~~

I'm on day 208 of my 365 project, I can't believe I have gotten this far. It has been completely trying at times, there have been days I've been too ~~lazy~~ to want to do anything. But this project has caused me to branch out, find beauty in the simplest things. I also don't leave my house without my camera, you never know when the perfect picture.

This is one of my favorite pictures so far this week:

Wishing

2010-07-23T08:32:00.000-05:00

A series of events happened this year which lead to another series of events which lead to something that was there to not be there anymore. And while the initial shock was hard, time and reasoning and lots of xanax seemed to help.

But all is well now and that's what matters, I guess.

I used to believe in luck and the universe lining up so that good things can happen to me, not by hard work, or making it happen but because it was meant to be. Well, I don't really believe that anymore, great things don't happen to you because the universe wants them too, it's because you put some elbow grease into it and buckled down and did it.

So, I'm buckling down and doing something I don't normally do. See, I want to live in a museum, for a month. I initially saw the tweet and had investigated it, decided I would think about it. Then it was emailed to me and I put it in the folder I always put this person's emails in. And now the application is filled out and ready to be mailed, right after I make a 60 second video on why I should be the person picked to live in the museum for a month.

The only problem? I can't think of any ideas for this video. I mean, I know why I should live in the museum, I know I would be great, but I need a super creative way of letting them know how strongly I feel about this. So, good blog people, can you offer me some suggestions?

If I win, I get to live here, for a month. How freakin cool is that?!

On Bananas

2010-07-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

I was 16 years old traveling along a dirt road in the back of an old Toyota pickup. There must have been 8 or nine adults standing in the back of the truck, all of us holding on to various objects to keep ourselves from flipping overboard.

Before we left the small pueblo in Quevedo to go to an even smaller town south of us, the man in the straw hat who spoke a mix of Ecuador Native Indian and Spanish told us to not get off the truck, under any circumstances. At least that is what the little boy told me, he never said why, he just said don't get off the truck, white lady.

So, I didn't get off the truck, I held on to the little boys hand and bumped into the older men who stared at me the first leg of the journey. The little boy talked non stop for most of the journey, he asked why I was so white, he asked what kind of house I lived in, he asked about my school and then as we neared a field with familiar looking trees he told me once again to not get off the truck. I nodded and looked around me, feeling the atmosphere change.

In the distance, I could see watchtowers sprouting up in the fields, the suns glinting off them and blinding us the closer we got. The others in the truck crouched down and lowered their heads, holding onto the truck bed. We bounced a long about a mile or so more before entered a field of a large privately own banana field. Armed guards with semi-automatic weapons watched us as we sped along the dirty road.

Prohibido Traspasar signs were drilled into trees that hugged the road, I looked down at the little boy who just shrugged his shoulders. I watched the road from my partial crouch, my head was still the tallest amongst the peoples in the truck, I wasn't hard to miss.

A guard poked his way through the trees and watched us as we passed, his hand on the gun.

Later, I asked the boy what happens if you get off the truck. He pointed a finger at me and pretended to shoot me.

Don't get off the truck.

And I don't eat bananas from that certain grower anymore.

Everything I know about my dad I learned while watching Baseball.

2010-07-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

My dad and I really don't talk much anymore. We can't talk about politics, or religion, or much of my personal life since my father doesn't appreciate any of my choices in those topics. But we do have one subject both of us can agree on.

Baseball.

Every season my dad would take me to a few Giants game, at Candlestick Park we'd sit somewhere in left field, I'd have my rally monkey and my dad would wear his old tattered hat. He'd try to teach me the rules of the game but would mostly just let me share his peanuts and coke.

As a teenager we always sat in the bleachers behind Barry Bonds, my dad in his old tattered hat and a mitt and we'd sit in silence like we always did. Then something would happen, a ref would make a bad call, Bonds would hit a homer and my dad and I would start to talk. Our differences didn't seem to matter at the park, and especially when the Giants would win.

At 25 we have very few things in common, except for maybe our love for a team that isn't always easy to love. But it's what gets us through moments of silence, through each of us knowing we in some way failed the other. So now, that's what we talk about, the Giants, how much we hate the Dodgers and why the Padres seem to have the Giants number this year.

We don't have much but we have the Giants and baseball and for now that's the best we can do.

Things

2010-07-11T17:46:00.002-05:00

It's been rather warm here in Chicagoland, which can only mean one thing. BOOB SWEAT! Which is lovely.

But this is summer in Chicagoland which is much different then summer in Seattle and much more humid then summer in California. Seattle was muggy and somewhat hot, but the lack of sunshine nine months out of the year made you appreciate the heat. California summers are hot and long and while miserable is more of a dry heat.

In other news I seen to be re-energized with picture taking. A sweet woman named Lorraine bought me a pro-account on flickr which was unexpected and so entirely sweet. I am still using my fujifilm point and shoot which takes good pictures, for a point and shoot but I am looking forward to in the next ten months getting a DSLR. I have one in mind but it will take me awhile to save up, but in the end so worth it!

On Saturday night, I did my normal thing where I call into the Annie and Burl show and blither on for awhile and I mentioned I wanted to basically pull a Prince and make everyone call me a different name. I have been thinking for awhile to switch over from Kim to my first given name, Rheana. Being called Kim all kind of started back when I was a little girl and my grandfather couldn't pronounce Rheana and he was just about done with the whole weird name thing so he started calling me by my second middle name. Thus being called Kim was born.

Now, I can't request everyone just up and stop calling what some of you have been calling me for two years, one dear friend has already said she won't stop calling me Kim, which I understand, she knows me as Kim. I mean, I'm not Prince, not even close, but I can't let you know that you can either call me Rheana or Kim, I will respond to either.

As always around my birthday I go into a bit of an introspective mood. I try to realign the person I am with the person I want to be. I think it's good to start making minor changes, or adjustments to who we are and how we react to things. I'm not perfect, never claimed to be but I do see where I need improvements, so I am working on those. I've stopped communicating with a few real life friends, mostly because they just suck the life out of me and we both deserve better. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a bitch, but oh well, when I am constantly frustrated/annoyed/name-your-grievance I need a break.

I've also started eating better and exercising more. I got the Pandora app on my Droid and also a distance tracker app that tells me how long I've walked/at what speed and so forth. It's no lie that I need to lose some weight but it's more about being healthy than it is about being skinny. I will never be super skinny, it's just not in the cards for me but I can be healthy. I already know I have a bad knee (snowboarding accident, torn ACL) and an ankle with pins and a rod in it (car accident) so the extra weight doesn't help with the already chronic discomfort of those things.

Time to get in shape, yo.

That's about all I got.

The one where I interview Jayman

2010-07-09T13:02:00.000-05:00

I had some free time this past week, so I flew down to Arkansas and hung around the strip clubs until I spotted my favorite blogger. Then I asked him for an interview. He amazingly said yes. Then I told him to take off his pants and have a seat in the awkward chair, which is wicker, he's a good sport.

Jay: *takes hit of tequila*

Kim R: For the first obvious question, what made you decide to start a blog?

Jay: Well, mostly because I had nothing else to do. I had been reading blogs for some time and I was still feeling the effects (or is affects?) of my usual Holiday Depression so in Jan of '06 I decided to start a blog.

Kim R: I was reading some of your earlier blog posts, like in the first month or so and the theme of your blog changed a bit, was this a conscience effort or rather just natural progression of things?

Jay: It was really a natural progression. Early on there was a lot of just going on the blog to bitch and wine and wallow in self-pity and throw in some self-loathing. That got pretty old pretty fast. Also there was a lot of political stuff, which I still do some of. But, basically the changes happened organically.

Kim R: Have you ever thought about just stealing Cosette? I mean, she's pretty adorable.

Jay: I have. And, I don't think it would bother Cosette at all. I mean, that dog loves me like a super model loves cocaine. But, she wouldn't be happy in a little apartment. So, I let my sister keep her.

Kim R: Did you know that Dolphins are the few mammals that have sex for fun? Why don't we see more dolphin porn?

Jay: Another reason why dolphins are so damn cool. I think the lack of dolphin porn though is probably tied to the fact that Apple would reject any good dolphin porn apps for the iPhone and iPad.

Kim R: and you're totally right about stupid Apple. Fuck Apple and their non existent porn apps

Kim R: You seem to talk a lot about strippers, is this because you are secretly a stripper? I bet you could handle that pole pretty well.

Jay: Have no real talent when it comes to handling the pole. Well, there was that one time in college but I was drunk and he was .. wait .. that's not the kind of pole you meant, was it? Anyway, I think it would be cool to be a stripper. I just doubt I could make much of a living at it.

Kim R: I'd pay to see you. Is that creepy? I noticed in one of your early blog posts that you said you wanted to live in the three places I have lived. I was raised near San Francisco, I lived in Seattle and now reside in Chicago, so we're totally BFF's right? But I have to tell you, you don't want to live in Seattle, they are a semi-dry city AND their strippers only show boobies and you can't drink in the strip club.

Jay: I don't think I would have a problem with Seattle. I don't drink in the strip clubs anyway, because that's when things go bad. Also, Seattle has a lot of Asian chicks. Second only to Latin chicks on the Awesome Stripper Scale (ASS). But, if you think about it San Francisco is probably even better for that than Seattle. So the only advantage Seattle actually has is that it's close to Canada and I could create an escape plan in case Sarah Palin were to be elected President.

Kim R: Great plan, you can kayak to one of the small islands then swim to Canada.

Jay: That's not a bad idea. Would make a great made for TV movie too.

Kim R: True, true

Kim R: You know those cell phones with a touch screen? they don't work well in the winter because the screen responds to body heat. Would you steal a freshly dead hobo's hand to work the phone?

Jay: As long as there wasn't too much blood or other bodily fluids around and none got on my shoes, yes. That way I could keep up with Twitter.

Kim R: I think your answer says a lot about you. You have your priorities straight.

Jay: Twitter is life.

Kim R: Who was your first repeat commenter? on your blog, not on twitter

Jay: A chick who goes by the name of Tink. She was the first person who started commenting daily on my blog. She's really freaking awesome. She has sent me a few homemade CDs of good music a couple of times. Sadly she stopped blogging and is pretty much exclusively on Facebook now.

Kim R: Thus why you should continue your stalking

Jay: The stalking never ends. Gotta stay sharp!

Jay: I don't know if men ever say that to women. I mean, I don't think I do. But, I'm always sensitive about not hurting anyone's feeling and shit, ya know.

Kim R: We've met once, what was your first impression? No worries, I live like a thousand miles away, I can't hurt you from here, lol

Jay: You seemed much more shy than I thought you would be. Sure, people are often quiet and reserved when faced with my intimidating presence and boyish charm. But, you were much quieter than I thought. But, at the same time you were even more awesome than I thought you were too. Which means you are pretty damn awesome.

Kim R: Awwwww, brownie points! lol

Kim R: A few more questions. Do you have a blog troll? I can't imagine you having a troll

Jay: I used to have one. Somebody from South Carolina who kept coming by to call me a fag and tell me how much I hated America anytime I criticized George W. Bush. But he or she got tired and moved on. I also had one person call me a "fat pig" and tell me they hoped I "got cancer and died." That was really fresh. But, lately no trolls. Which is kinda sad.

Kim R: They can at least find better names to call you. Although the get cancer and die thing is rather mean.

Jay: That was kind of low, but the blog post was about Elizabeth Edwards using her cancer politically. So, in context it makes a little more sense.

Kim R: What were you like as a kid? Did you have an imaginary friend? Did you burn ants with fire?

Jay: I was a pretty reserved and anti-social kid. Not much has really changed. I never got into too much trouble. I grew up in a small town and my dad was very well known. I really couldn't get away with anything because everyone knew who I was. So, I had to wait until I went off to college to do anything fun.

Kim R: lots of strippers and dead hookers?

Jay: Of course, I lived in a dry county and there were no strip clubs when I was growing up. Also, we had never heard of MILFs and there was no internet to see my friends' mothers naked pics posted to their blogs and facebook pages.

Jay: Yeah, college is basically just one big blur of alcohol and strippers.

Kim R: oh the humanity!

Kim R: One more question

Jay: I wish I could go back to college.

Kim R: Me too

Kim R: Any advice at all for anyone?

Jay: Buy low, sell high. Don't eat the yellow snow. Never draw to an inside straight. That pretty much covers everything.

Jay: Oh and just be yourself and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

Jay: And if start a blog don't be afraid to just say what you think and if people disagree with you, so be it.

Kim R: When you write your life memoirs (?) which you totally should, by the way, will you include me in one of the chapters about the freaks you met on twitter?

Jay: I think you will probably be a recurring character through out the book. Obviously you'll come in near the middle cause I'm forty-freaking-two, but you'll be fairly prominent in the book. Probably because you provide a lot good material.

Kim R: LOL thanks Jay.

Jay: Maybe not as much as that one stripper in Vegas. But, you know. Still, a lot of material.

Jay writes the knee slapper blog Cynical Bastard and can also be found on The Twitter.

I would like to interview more bloggers, so if you have a good sense of humor and want to participate, email me at kimmeh7585@gmail.com.

Reflections on the past 25 years

2010-07-05T06:00:00.054-05:00

Today is my birthday.

If you were to ask my parents seven years ago if they thought I was going to make it to 25, they might have said no. But seven years ago wasn't my best year.

It seems when it comes to birthdays there are milestones. There's your first birthday, there's your tenth birthday when you finally hit double digits, your 16th when you can drive, your 18th when you think you're an adult, your 21st when you can legally drink. Then after that you just have the 30s, 40s and so on.

So, what makes 25 so special? Well, I guess not much really in terms of physical milestones, but in terms of knowing who I am, in terms of forming into a person I want to be, I think it's pretty big.

When I was 18, I thought I knew everything, I thought I knew what I wanted to be, who I was going to be, who I might be married to at 25, but in reality if I had followed the path my 18 year old brain set out, I don't think I'd be happy.

Now at 25 things aren't what I thought they would be. I'm not married to that boy I thought I was going to marry. I'm not rich, but I'm doing okay. I have a college degree that I am not using, but then again, so are a lot of people. At 18 I didn't think I would be living in Chicago, but ultimately this feels more like home than a lot of places I have lived the past 8 years.

So in reality these past 25 years have pretty damn good. Sure, things have gone awry, but maybe they were supposed to.

What do I want for the next 25 years times 3? More happiness, love, a family, good friends and good times.

Conversations

2010-06-29T17:42:00.000-05:00

Lately I've had some pretty interesting conversations with people, I thought I'd share.

Me: So co-worker, did you have a good birthday weekend?

Co-worker: Girrrl, I can't even remember what happened.

Me: Oh that sounds like a fun night.

Co-worker: No, no I woke up and was bruised and didn't know what happened, and my ass was sore, why would my ass be hurting? Anyway, had to get the plan B pill cause you know I don't want more kids.

Me: (laughs uncomfortably) oh wow.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Mom: I can't believe you shaved your cat.

Me: Mom, I told you I was going to shave the cat, why didn't you believe me?

Mom: I thought you were just being your normal sick self.

Me: What?

Mom: I didn't think you meant your cat.

Me: Oh god.

~~*~~*~~*~~

At Pete's Market:

Stranger: Is that sausage spicy?

Me (looking around to see if she was talking to me): ummmm, yeah.

Stranger: So, you like your meat spicy?

Me: hmmmmm....

Question of the day:

I've gone by Kim since I was a little girl since most people can't pronounce my first name. How hard would it be to switch everyone over from calling me Kim to calling me by my first name Rheana?

Grrrrr or more aptly titled things that make me want to punch you in the face

2010-06-28T13:53:00.003-05:00

Jay did the things that make him go grrrr and so did Dana and I thought I would tell all you gentle readers that things that make me want to punch you in the face. Well, maybe not you, but probably, yes, yes you.

- People who are late. I want to punch these people mostly because they ultimately believe their time is more important than anyone elses. I am not talking about people who are late once in awhile, stuff comes up, I get that. Or even people with small children because I know kids can make you late. I'm talking about adults with few responsibilities that just can't get their lazy butts out the door. It drives me mad!

-People who consistently cancel plans. This goes hand in hand with those late people. If you're going to make plans with me, actually follow through with them. Again, occasionally stuff happens, but if it's on a regular basis, I'm just going to stop hanging out with you. In fact, I have been known to just have one of those "let's not make plans just call me if you want to go that morning" type of relationships because I'm so tired of rearranging things I have to do to fit their schedule and then they cancel. Can you see this really bothers me? It makes me feel unimportant and like I don't matter.

- People who say "you'll feel differently when you're older". While this may be true in some cases, saying this is basically saying that what you have to say doesn't matter, that your opinion doesn't matter. I am lumping this along with the people who bitch about other people feeling old at a age that is younger than they are. So what if you are older than them, so what if you feel that they shouldn't feel old. Don't take away their feelings by telling them they're just a "tadpole" or a "baby". Let people feel what they need to feel. Or at least keep it to yourself, it doesn't make you look wiser, it just makes you seem argumentative.

-People who walk down the middle of the parking lot. You know the kind, the stupid people who walk down the middle of a lane in the parking lot, not letting you pass. As if they are so much more important than you. Move the FUCK OVER, FUCKTARD.

-People who add an asterisk in curse words. Okay how old are you? Right. Listen, just because you add * in the word Fuck doesn't mean you aren't cursing. You just look a douche. Seriously, you're not protecting anyone's innocence by not spelling out S-H-I-T. Just say it and if you're reasoning is that you don't want to offend anyone then you are doing social media wrong. More in likely someone isn't going to like you, so hopefully that person doesn't like you for the person you are than the person you are pretending to be.

God, I feel better.

Question of the day:

What would be the pet-peeve that sends you over the edge?

In the days leading up to my birthday I am posting my favorite things:

My favorite romantic song (sans clowns):

Top 10 reasons why I disappeared from the cyber world.

2010-06-25T08:05:00.000-05:00

10. Checked into Foursqure and was abducted by my stalker. Managed to get away when he had to run to the grocery store to keep his mayorship.

9. Rehabbed at Rockdog's Lindsay Lohan Suite.

8. Ran off with a Monkee's cover band named The Baboons, turns out they couldn't agree on which side to part their bowl haircut and broke up just outside Indiana.

7. Traffic on the Chicago expressways can be a real bitch.

6. At the nearing of my 25th birthday I got a hold of my two million dollar trust fund. I immediately ran off to Vegas. Now I'm broke and have a weird rash on my ass.

5. I was abducted by aliens. Sadly I didn't get to meet Mulder or Scully but I did meet a nice lady from a trailer park.

4. Got lost on the Toll Roads and ended up in Central Indiana, I can't talk about the rest, too soon.

3. Rufus finally snapped and held me hostage for a can of tuna. I finally relented when he took the twitter away.

2. The Burl sat me down and tried to explain the differences between Clone Troopers and Storm Troopers. I will never get those weeks back.

1. I finally realized that my hatred for Sarah Palin was actually just confused lust. So, I moved to Alaska and rented the house next door to her. My book deal and restraining order are still pending.

One or all of these may or may not be true.

Musings on the end

2010-06-13T10:09:00.000-05:00

We first met in front of Husky Stadium. It was raining as usual, and you noticed me trying to take a picture, you shared your umbrella with me so my camera wouldn't get wet, I told you you were blocking my light.

You ended up being in my nursing school class, I guess that's why you felt comfortable to share your umbrella.

You became my lab partner shortly after our first meeting, I guess you can say it was fate, but really, I think it was just because you decided to sit next to me in lecture. It took six months before we went out on our first date, you had to convince me to drop the other guy first.

You took me to a sports bar to watch the Stanley Cup finals. We were drunk, the bar was filled with Red Wing fans and the Penguins won. Our second date was going to see Keaton Simons at a small club near the water's edge, we had our first kiss on Alki beach. After that night we became inseparable and over the summer I fell in love with your family and your daughter and with you.

And here we are almost two years later. We can't talk to one another without placing blame, raising voices and trying desperately to hang up a cell phone dramatically. I can't really tell you what went wrong, I know I had a part in it, I am not the easiest person to get along with.

You told me Chicago was to blame, but when I told you over a year ago that Chicago was where I was going to call home you said you wanted it to be your home too.

We are now in each others lives regardless if we want to be or not. We used to be friends, staying up all night talking about music, life, and the world. I don't expect to get that back but I hope to go back to the way things were before, maybe even before you held the umbrella over my head so I could take the shot. I hope we can just exist in the same world without the hostility.

The end is hard, I find a way to justify my actions, to find substance in the hurtful things I have told you. But in the end, there is nothing more we can do but move on.

That is perhaps the hardest part.

The one with the dream

2010-06-11T07:00:00.003-05:00

I was laying on the operating table, my arms spread like Jesus on a cross and the rest of my body hidden behind a blue curtain.

I couldn't see much more than just the curtain and the various weird metal things above my head. I could hear voices but couldn't identify faces. I knew why I was in surgery, it was for a happy occasion but it still felt kind of odd.

I was watching saline drip slowly into the chamber above my head when a familiar face popped over the blue curtain.

"Howdy" the voice said.

"Jay!" I exclaimed. "I didn't know you were a doctor!"

Jayman paused for a moment, fixing his scrub cap atop his head and wielded the shiny scalpel.

"Well, I'm not."

And then he disappeared behind the curtain and started to whistle.

"Oh well, okay!" I said.

And then I woke up because my alarm went off.

Weirdest. Dream. Ever.

Questions, I has them

2010-06-10T09:54:00.001-05:00

So it seems like the blog world is a buzz with this meme, since I am a follower, I shall also be doing this, which I stole from Jayman.

1. You’re building your dream house. What’s the one thing that this house absolutely, positively MUST HAVE? (other than the obvious basics of course)

A huge, deep tub that even tall people can sink down into, with jets and all that fun stuff. I find baths very relaxing.

2. What is your dream car?

My dream car would probably be a yellow Jeep Wrangler, two door with a hard top. Not very practical but hell, it would be fun to drive.

3. What is your favorite website that isn’t a blog.
Since I moved to the Midwest I have been obsessed the weather. I visit noaa.gov at least three times a day, the next most viewed website would probably be Target or something similar.

4. iPhone 4 or Droid, which do you want?
DROID! iPhone is for people who get excited about features that the rest of us have had for years.

5. When you’re feeling down or lonely or just generally out of sorts, what do you do to cheer yourself up?
I usually call a friend or write, or take a walk.

6. Tell me about something or someone that you love that most people seem to hate.
Um, errr, I dunno, I have a strong affection for Pit Bulls, people seem to hate them but I don't have a problem with us.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I have no idea, I'll let you know when I find out, or how about you let me know if you find out.

8. Would you go on a reality show if given the chance?
I would go on The Amazing Race, I already have my partner in mind and we would kick ASS.

9. Who was your favorite teacher when you were growing up. (Grade school, Middle School, Jr. High or High School only.)
Mrs. Tranfaglia, she taught 11th grade English and was my biggest supporter that year. She was probably the best teacher I had.

10. You get one pass to do something illegal or immoral. What are you gonna do?
I would probably steal some cash to set straight some deserving people. If that wasn't possible, then I would probably hire someone to beat the crap out of this person I know who is making my life a bit of hell currently.

I'll post question later, I have to run off to work. Whoops!

The Semi-annual airing of grievances.

2010-06-08T21:04:00.000-05:00

It's a little over six months to Festivus but I'm feeling a little cantankerous.

So begins the semi-annual airing of grievances, passive aggressively.

- To the woman who blogs/facebooks/twitters/whatever and states all damn day that other women can't have her man, listen lady, I don't want your man, I am sure no one else on twitter wants your man either, stop it, stop it, stop it. You're too much drama!

- Nosy people who downright refuse to ask the person they want info on directly. Just seriously ask the person. How hard is that?

- I don't like to be hugged by strangers. There are two people in the state of Illinois that can hug me without me recoiling. I just don't like it. I don't like to be touched unless I know you. Don't take it personally, just STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER. I started to cry once in front of my boss (I've been crazy emotional, don't judge me) and she hugged me and I was positioned so that my head nestled between her boobs, I have never been more disturbed then at that moment. I still can't look her in the eye.

- Twitter in general is annoying me. It seems like when I make a comment, the snarky comments back just make my skin crawl with annoyance. Now, I will admit to being overly sensitive as of late so everything I feel I can't entirely judge as fact, but still, I log on and just have to log off. I can't deal with it.

- Any time people say these things when it comes to my first name: You have a black name. Seriously? Actually, the spelling is Welsh. Wanna stand under my umbrella? No, but I will punch you in the face. How's Chris Brown doing? I WILL LOSE MY SHIT.

Yeah, I know, I really have to think of some better posts.

Bringing it together

2010-06-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

Just a few random odds and ends:

I haven't felt very inspired here much at all lately. I have one of those personalities where I get enthusiastic about about something for awhile and just lose interest. I am not entirely sure how to fix this, just apparently part of the thing that makes me, well me. I really hate being a person who blogs for awhile and then blog hops, which I have done in the past, but if I am not feeling it, I can't force myself to do it.

I am feeling the same way about Project 365 blog. I just don't have the inspiration. But I made the commitment and I plan on following through with it. I even have the last picture in mind for this year. I can't tell you what, because it will spoil two surprises but it fits in so many ways with the first picture and what has happened this year.

I've talked before about being in a funk, it's lingering, causing me to be emotional and a bit um, crazy. Take for example yesterday while watching a movie called "Dear John" which was kind of dumb and unrealistic but I sobbed like a freaking baby. My cat? Wouldn't look at me, he sat next to me but would not look at me. It was as if he was uncomfortable with the display of emotion but felt the need to just be there. He's a sweet cat but I could use some cuddles without going all Elmira on him.

I got a letter from my old HMO on the west coast stating I owed them 300 dollars for an ER visit back in November of 09. The way my insurance worked was I pay a co-pay (which was 90 dollars, which I paid) and the insurance picks up the rest. It's the way it has been since I got the insurance. So, I called them up and asked What the Fuck? Well, apparently they denied my claim because I sprained my ankle in Washington in my old apartment building and I need to sue them to pay my bills. Yeah, no fucktards, it was an accident, you're paying the damn bill. I am sure that the claim being submitted on my last day of coverage had nothing to do with this, right? I fucking hate Kaiser. They have denied every single claim, including my ACL repair from a snowboarding accident where they kept suggesting the manufacturer of the snowboard could be at fault. No, I am just really uncoordinated.

The Blackhawks, don't make me regret loving you.

Fun with Facebook

2010-06-03T15:14:00.005-05:00

My mother joined Facebook. Yeah. It's been great for me.

I thought I'd share some gems from the past week of my mother learning how to use this bring family together and make you live a double life website:

Oh yeah, um, my first name is Rheana, I go by Kim because no one can pronounce Rheana properly. And it irritates me.

Um yeah.

I've resorted to memes

2010-06-02T11:51:00.000-05:00

So I wasn't planning on blogging today, well I was but then I sort of couldn't figure out how to word it so I just scrapped the whole idea, until I read Dana's post and thought that was easy enough and I really like talking about myself, so win!

1. When I draw my meds at work, I am very specific how I keep the syringes. They have to be arranged like this or it throws me:

2. I love, love, love to cook. I love experimenting with food and adding spices and all around feeding people. But I can't bake to save my life, I can't read directions and baking involves directions. We will never be friends.

3. I have a lot of scars on my body, some are from surgery, some are from learning to ride a bike, some are just from being a klutz but I am proud of every single one. I don't feel self-conscious about them at all, in a way they are rights of passage and have on a few occasions been the entry way of keeping me alive. How can you hate that?

4. I have a bit of a princess complex. When I was little my parents called me their "Precious Princess", I took to the name like a whore to a street corner. It got so bad that at one point when I was five years old I balled up my tiny little fist and shook it in my brother's face, demanding that he refer to me as Princess. Today, I don't quite take that approach but I still kind of grin at the name Princess Kimmeh.

5. I spend most of my time day dreaming. I will make up stories in my head while I am bored, sometimes it's about stupid stuff and sometimes it's really elaborate. I think this puts me in the weird category.

6. I hate cheaters. I had a parent who cheated on my other parent when I was really young. It's one of the things that really bothers me when people flaunt it. Go ahead and do whatever with your life, just don't drag the rest of us with you. I guess I feel so strongly because I've seen my parents go through it and mostly because I've been there too and I hated myself for it.

Wrap it up

2010-06-01T07:00:00.005-05:00

Happy June everybody! One month and five days until my birthday, make sure you get me something pretty! haha, I keed. (Not really)

It was storming so bad in Chicagoland yesterday that I spent the entire afternoon watching old X-Files episodes. This may or may not come as a surprise to some of you, but I lurve Mulder and Scully. It was a nice way to relax after a ~~really lazy weekend where I got sunburned and napped on a friends couch~~ event filled weekend.

How about those Blackhawks, c'mon baby, it's time to bring the cup to Chicago. Also, as a side note, I think Chicago really needs a win. We have the Cubs and the Sox which equally suck in their own "special" ways. Then we have the Bulls which well, whatever, I really hate Basketball. And then we have the Bears, so you know, it would be good for Chicago to win this. So, just roll over and die Philly

I've started a tumblr site where I will be posting a few tidbits here and there. That will also be the first place where I announce my big announcement. What's that you say? You have a big announcement? Why yes, I do, I'll give you a hint, lots of fun travels this summer.

As a side note, I've just added my email address to the sidebar so if there was anything you'd like to ask me please feel free to do so. I am currently looking for a rich, sugar daddy.

I have been so out of the loop lately on everything that I failed to hear about Spencer and Heidi's breaking up on Friday. Oh-EM-GEE, SERIOUSLY?! Ahaha, yeah, who the fuck cares. I mean, I do, kind of, mostly in the way we all kind of bottleneck around car accidents, it's human nature to want to peek at the carnage.

You know what's the fun? The post one day sunburn take a shower and find out EVERYWHERE that you have been burned. Thought the top of your head is still milky white, BURNED. Oh the humanity.

This made me giggle:

Pineapple Cookies

2010-05-28T07:00:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I posted about how I wanted Pineapple cookies. Well, I wanted them REALLY REALLY badly. So after a long day at work, I decided to make them.

The ingredients:

1/2 cup shortening
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon salt

The pictorial essay:

The End Result:

Verdict:

Oh yes, yes, yes. YES.

What I want

2010-05-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

- A ice cold Corona with a lime slice in the neck of the bottle.

- To see into the future about a year, to make sure I'm still doing okay.

- For past boyfriends to go away.

- To tell some people I know they aren't fooling anyone but themselves and that we all know, we're just too polite to call you on your shit.

And yeah, that's totally passive aggressive, but it's okay since I admitted it, ha.

- To have the Giants win the World Series.

- To get a good night's sleep.

- To not worry about everything.

- A pineapple cookie sounds pretty fantastic right now.

- To tell my mom the truth.

- To keep my house clean, there is never enough time.

I have all the answers for BP.

2010-05-26T08:05:00.000-05:00

I've waited long enough to provide my expertise in this whole oil debacle with BP and I know all the oil executives are sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for my brilliant ideas, so I shall not disappoint them any longer.

- Macgyver, some duct tape, a few toothpicks and you know what? He doesn't even need SCUBA gear, he can hold his damn breath.

- Now this next one is going to take some cooperation from some big corporations. We're going to need the ShamWOW to mop up all the oil and plug the hole, kind of like how in college you kept bath water in the tub by stuffing a wash cloth down the drain. Oh but we aren't done yet, then were going to need the Oxyclean people to help us scrub the shores and all the animals. I mean it gets the stain out, right?

- Have the Navy drop some underwater speakers near the hole and then play Justin Biebers "music" all the animals that haven't died yet will rush to the hole in a mass suicide, so they don't have to listen to that crap any more.

- Rush Limbaugh, right in the hole. No one will really miss him, right?

- Just wait until all the oil has drained out from that reserve, Earth doesn't need any oceans anyway.

- Light all the oil on fire and have a massive S'mores party. Nothing unites a country like burning oil and gooey chocolate.

2010-05-25T17:15:00.001-05:00

I was 21 years old before I watched my first R rated movie.

I know, I gave my first blow job at 16, stole my first wine cooler at 15, had sex a month short of my 18th birthday, and smoked a few illegal substances at 18. So, one would think that watching an R-rated movie would not be something to wait for. I mean it's not like I waited to save my virginity, but my R-rated movie virginity, hell to the yes.

I remember going to the movie theater with my then boyfriend to see the movie The Departed. Yes, the first R-rated movie I have ever watched was while a very good movie, less than uber exciting and dirty. I mean, I really should have watched Boogie Nights. You know, something dirty.

There are a lot of reasons why I waited so long to protect my eyes from such filth and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't view porn until the age of 21, because that would be a lie and you all could see through it. But, honestly, does porn really count as a movie? You can't even call it acting, I mean anyone can be like "oh yeah, yeah, yeah, more, more, oh yeah". Right? Plus the porn was usually with the guy of the week, so I it's like lumped together in the sin department, right? Not like it's own sin, but lumped with the adultery.

I remember sitting in that theater, having paid to see my first forbidden movie and feeling sick to my stomach. I had been told my whole life that R-rated movies were bad and forbidden and that one should never see such things. Even edited R-rated movies are bad because the original was bad! Sex is bad, blah, blah, blah. Then after the movie? Well, the guilt was there but the urge to see what I had missed for most of my young adult life flared and with every passing R-rated movie I started to feel less guilty.

Then just today while on the phone with my mom, we started talking about movies and I mentioned how much I loved It's complicated, she mentioned it was R-rated and while I fought back fear she said "don't tell your father, but I watched it and I loved it".

It's nice to know I'm not on this road alone.

On having nothing

2010-05-24T18:54:00.001-05:00

I've lost my mojo.

I guess some could say I never actually had any mojo. Anyway, I just don't feel like I have anything to talk about any more.

Which is not entirely true, I have tons and tons of stuff to talk about but have chosen to keep it close to my chest for a few more weeks. Mostly because I can and also because I think it's whats best for all. And yes, I am trying to be cryptic, kind of like those annoying people on facebook that post status messages like "I can't believe THAT happened."

Yeah.

Anyway, to sum things up life has been pretty good lately. I got a new phone (the DROID) which is so awesome, I can't even tell you. And I finally got my car registered in Illinois, I know I have lived in the Prairie State for six months already, but it costs two hundred dollars to get it done and who can come up with that on the fly?

I can't.

So, that's done and I feel better about it. I actually have been trying to teach myself to breathe more, to relax to not try to plan nine, ten, twelve months in advance. Things will happen when they need to happen.

And I am happy, the situation could be better, but I'm happy.

LOST.

I loved the ending.

I know a lot of people view LOST like I view American Idol, a stupid sack of shit. And while I can never say I was rabid LOST fan, I enjoyed it, I might not have always understood it but that was part of the charm. I have never been a fan of formula sitcoms, you know the kind, the dim, overweight husband and the beautiful skinny wife that walks around exasperated.

LOST never followed the "formula" for any TV show, so I applaud them for finding a way to end the series while not giving us all the answers. They gave us just enough to make up our own conclusions.

I dig that.

My run in with the Chicago PD

2010-05-20T14:19:00.001-05:00

or more aptly titled "White girl can't run".

I was driving along to work this morning about 350 am when I was stopped by a police barricade on the longest street in Chicago. The police officer was standing next to his blue lighted cop SUV and waving a flashlight around like those dudes at the airport that bring in the planes. Instead of welcoming me down the street so I can arrive to work on time he was directing me in the opposite direction.

I slowed down and rolled down my window and in the best, sweetest/semi-sexy voice said "Officer, excuse me sir," of course this brought the short Italian man with a taser over to my ca. I tilted my head to side and beamed at him.

"Is there a problem, ma'am," I'll forgive him for the ma'am, he has nice teeth.

"I need to get to that building right there, I work there, I start at 4, we have patients coming in for treatment."

"I'm sorry but you can't park on this street."

I stopped smiling and gave him this look "then how am I supposed to get to work?!"

Apparently I was two steps away from getting a phonebook to the face because he stopped being polite and told me "you can either go that way or that way" with finger jabs in the air "and park on one of the side streets" then he walked away.

Thanks Officer YouLookedHotButYouAreKindOfADouche.

So, I turn down this dark side street with some houses that are kind of in a bad neighborhood. Basically, anywhere in Chicagoland is not exactly somewhere you want to be at 4 am walking with a lunch bag. So I go driving through these streets, there some teenage looking fellas leaning up against the side of a house, really up to know good at 4 am.

As a side note, don't they have parents? I mean, really, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?

So, anyway, I drive around for a bit more, starting to freak out because I'm going to be late for work and because oh god, my car is going to get broken into and I am going to be killed. Anyway, I park and because I have an active imagination I got all spooked out because the birds were singing and then got quiet and I was like "ahhh smoke monster".

So, I started to run. With my red and black lunch bag. In my scrubs. And because I have been suffering from a stomach bug the last few days I kind of made myself sick. I think it had to do with like the running mostly. So when I arrived at the intersection with the cop who was peering at me and shinning his giant flashlight in my face (not a euphemism) and because I've been sick, I started to cough and then sorta threw up a little in the bushes (not my best moment) and the cop like walks over to me and says "I need to see your ID."

Now, picture me, in scrubs with the name of the company I work for scrolled all over it standing across the street from a building with the company name in bright neon letters. I mean it can't get more duh.

So, I'm still kind of gagging and I explain to him that I am not a drunk cop killer, just sort of a sick medical worker who's late for work and I had to run and I've been vomiting from this bug and the douche just stands there.

So, I give him my ID and he shines the light on it and like investigates it and then hands it back to me and barks his orders "you can cross the street."

Well, gee thanks Mister. Thanks for letting me go to work.

So I kinda jog across the street and wander in and of course my co-workers have their cars parked in the parking lot and I flail my arms around and explain what happened and then my co-worker says "I don't know what's going on with these cops everywhere but I know they've been finding dead women."

So, there's that.

This is what actually happened and I know kind of understand why the officer's were acting the way they were, but really, do I look like a killer?

Don't answer that.

Super sexy CPR

2010-05-19T07:32:00.001-05:00

So I stumbled upon this video while twitter stalking someone:

I want to ask the men in the room and perhaps the ladies amongst us who enjoy the female form a question. Did you actually learn anything from this video? And I mean about CPR not about dry humping.

As a medical professional I have had to do CPR a few times. CPR is not sexy, at all. And while I'm sorry to disappoint you but we don't actually hump one another while making their heart beat. That's for the after party.

I get why this video was produced, I know that more people will watch it because there are two really hot women dry humping and basically making out with one another. And maybe, hopefully, someone will retain some of the information given and save a life.

But I go for more realism than the fantasy this produces in people's mind.

CPR isn't sexy, people dying isn't sexy. The body fluids they produce aren't sexy, the emotions you experience after performing CPR isn't sexy. I've never been a fan of the media saying nurses are basically porn stars with rubber gloves. If you've ever been in the hospital, actually sick, you'll know that doesn't actually happen. Honestly, we're just too damn tired of all the patients whining to actually get in the mood and the florescent lighting is terrible.

While I think this ad is somewhat brilliant, I still kind of hate it. I don't view my job as sexy, but then again, people hardly just wake up like they do in this video. I've been there when they haven't. I still have dreams about the times they don't.

Am I being too sensitive about this?

The turkey jumped through the window mostly because it was a stupid turkey

2010-05-18T07:09:00.002-05:00

I worked at a clinic in California that had floor to ceiling plate glass windows, they were the kind that had a reflective film on the outside so that birds would fly into it and joggers would turn their heads to watch themselves run. It was always quite fun for us inside to watch people come up to the window and fix their hair or peer at a blemish.

Never quite understood why people didn't realize that we on the inside could see them picking at their pimples, but nonetheless it was fun.

There were also a bunch of wild turkeys. Ugly birds those were, just ugly. The turkeys seemed to have a fetish for these windows, they'd stare at themselves for minutes at a time. The males would sometimes flair their tails out and dance around. The females seemed a bit more aggressive, pecking at the glass, occasionally throwing their entire bird bodies at the glass in a weird aggressive, semi-sexual way.

The one day, one of the turkeys slammed her body into the glass and broke it, she landed in the clinic, screaming and flapping her scary wings and everyone was screaming and then she just kind of hopped out and ran away, bleeding.

It wasn't but a week later that those stupid turkeys were back, pecking the glass, throwing themselves at their reflection.

I'm a lot like those turkeys. I don't learn from my mistakes. I pound my head against the wall until it bleeds, I wait until the pain stops and then start up again.

I don't know why I keep making them, maybe it's because I just don't learn. But I feel the pain, I know the things I do wrong. I can see it from way off, and yet here I am, bleeding from the head and going back for more.

I guess this probably doesn't make any sense to anyone, my analogies have never been very good, but I just want to slap myself for making the same mistakes over and over. I am the kind of person I hate, the person who just makes the sames mistakes again and again.

I guess the tattoo I have on my right thigh just proves my history, an ouroborus, a snake eating it's tail, unable to break the cycle. Part of my hates myself for it, but now I am hoping I can learn from this situation. Come out of this stronger than before, break the cycle.

Maybe I'm just too stubborn or maybe my mom is right, maybe I just need to do things the hard way. But surely, it ends at some point, right?

My Five

2010-05-17T07:00:00.004-05:00

I think it might have been Mrs. D who first posted her five 2nd husbands first and since I have been dealing with some personal stuff as of late and have nothing really to talk about, I present you with my five fantasy husbands.

- David Boreanaz

Yes, I know he has been caught up in a cheating scandal, but in my perfect world he isn't married. Okay? Okay. I love a man in a good suit and oh lord does he look good in a suit. He's tall, he's got the puppy dog brown eyes and the dark hair (sucker for dark hair) and the chiseled chin.

Hmmmm.

Also he has nice hands, who doesn't love a man with nice hands? I don't mean manicured hands, I mean just nice big hands, maybe even a little meaty. Better for the gripping.

Oh and I judge a man by his nipples. He has nice nipples.

- Eric Bana

Oh Eric Bana, you are gorgeous. I dig the scruffy look, especially with the salt and pepper beard. Now, I know he's a bit older than I am, but damn, I am okay with that.

Again, I love the dark hair, especially when it's all bed heady and looking like we just had a nice roll in the bed, you know the kind? The kind where you lose your socks and they end up on the ceiling fan.

While his nipples are a bit "wonky", I accept the fact that not everyone is perfect.

- David Gray

You may have noticed I have a thing for Davids (I may or may not have lost my virginity to a David).

Also, he has a scruffy, I just smoked a pack of cigarettes type of voice that just kind of sends the hair on the back of my neck up. Also, an amazing song writer, so while I don't have a picture of his nipples (I looked, apparently David is a popular porn star name, so oh my PENISES) I don't judge him on this because singing to me the song "Be Mine" in bed will make me completely forget about his googly eyed nips.

- Jeffrey Dean Morgan

I think I first saw him on Grey's Anatomy when I was still caught up in the whimsy of Seattle. I think I might have had to change my panties after that one. (TMI?)

He has a very calm, sweet voice and the way he smiles kind of melts me a little. And the green eyes? And the dark hair? Oh man, he is one beautiful man. Oh the dirty, dirty things I would do to him.

I need a moment.

Okay back.

- John Bowker

It's no secret I love the San Francisco Giants.

So this Left Fielder kind of does it for me. He's pretty hot and sweet too, always taking time out for fans.

Also the only blond on my list. Why? Well, not much into the blonds but damn his eyes do it for me. Also, his ass is pretty nice too.

I am sure there are other future ex-husbands on this list. And of course, my love of red heads has not diminished, I just couldn't find any really hot ones that got my attention.

Question of the Day:

Top five, give them to me.

A Guinea Pig's revenge

2010-05-15T14:08:00.001-05:00

For the first five years of my life I grew up on a small working farm in Northern California. We had roughly 300 head of cattle, most of these were Beef cows, you know, tasty tasty meat. We did have a few milk cows that were mostly novelty since their milk never brought a profit, they were mostly for us kids.

My dad was a butcher by profession, he had his own old style butcher shop and was also the head executioner for a larger farm that supplied the meat for it's own restaurants and inns. So, the farm was mostly novelty, it basically broke even when it came to profit. We had other animals, some horses and geese, some sheep and a goat named Billy that mostly hung out with the horses. And lots and lots of dogs.

Both my parents had been raised in the Mid-west, my dad grew up in Kansas City, MO and my mom lived in Ohio until she was 7. So it's no real surprise that we were a meat and potatoes kind of family. Dinner was not dinner until there was cow on your plate.

I went with it, even when the farm became rows and rows of grapes. The families love of cow did not leave when the cows left.

Then I turned sixteen, I had been caught sneaking out one too many times and I had developed the attitude of a spoiled rich kid, my parents decided to ship me off with a woman doing missionary work in Ecuador. So, off I went, with four skirts and four loose fitting tops that buttoned up to my neck, I had an English and Spanish bible and my school books and nothing else. No discman (hey, ipods hadn't come out yet) and no internet or English TV for six months.

The lady I went with was a friend of the family and didn't take any of my shit, she didn't speak English to me at all and for the first month we did nothing but talk to the people of Ecuador about Jehovah. She protected me too, buying our food from the expensive grocery store in the largest town next to ours. She boiled everything my lips came into contact with and by golly was Deet my friend. Until the second month when the heavy rains had come and the floods produced wide spread Dengue fever. She fell ill while I had free range of the country.

That was when I started experiencing what Ecuador was like. I swam in the rivers, I drank tequila and cheap beer on the river's edge. I drove around in the back of 1978 Toyota trucks while dodging low power lines. I met a boy who I thought I loved named Mario and found out I loved a few other things not allowed by the oppressing rules of the religion I grew up in.

I also ate food from open air markets and that was when my love affair with cow ended.

This my friends is a picture of a picture I took while in Ecuador, it's of the open air meat market. In May the average temperature in coastal Ecuador is about 80 degrees with near 100 percent humidity. The smell of the meat market was like nothing I have ever smelled. It made me sick.

I saw hanging pigs with their throats cut in front of people's house in smaller towns, this wasn't new to me, but somehow with the heat and humidity it made it worse. I swore off meat from then on. All meat, no fish, no chicken, no cow and most definitely no pig.

When I came home from Ecuador, I was tanned, I lost fifty pounds, most of which wasn't needed to lose, I spoke Spanish fairly well and I told my parents I wasn't going to be eating meat anymore at all.

And I didn't for two years. I was a vegetarian, I guess you could almost say a vegan because I didn't eat any meat product at all, not even eggs, although I did still enjoy cheese, so more like a cheese eating vegan. Every night at dinner my mom would put meat on my plate and sit it in front of me, my dad would watch me expectantly. In my family, refusing to eat what was on your plate was considered rude. I ate everything but the meat.

My dad considered this an act of rebellion, he could handle my edging towards the punk rock phase, he rolled his eyes at my dark eyeliner and blue tinged hair. He even allowed three piercings in my earlobe. But not eating meat was the last straw.

I can't remember when I first started to eat meat again, but I know I just started with chicken. Then perhaps I got wooed into taking a bite out of a cheeseburger. Whatever the route, it was back to being a meat eater slowly but surely.

I still don't have the same love of cow as I did before and it takes a lot for me to eat pork. Don't get me wrong, I like meat, I enjoy being at the relative top of the food chain. I enjoy meat but there are times when I remember that smell and the haphazard way the meat just kind of floated there, the random fly buzzing around the slab of marbled meat. It still makes me sick.

And yeah, I ate Guinea Pig, I even picked out which one I wanted to be slaughtered and then spit roasted. I will never forgive myself.

Friday Random Thoughts #8

2010-05-14T13:51:00.002-05:00

- I had a post planned today about my five fantasy husbands and then coincidentally Mrs. D posted along the same lines, so, I am saving that for Monday. Great minds think alike.

- Started my new job this week, all is well, which is great, hoping it continues to go similarly. Healthcare is a weird beast, mostly because there's tons of drama and even when you try to ignore it and not be apart of it, it's still there. So, I am ignoring it and not being apart of it and even going as far as refusing to go to a ~~bitch session~~ mandatory meeting about the drama. I've only been there a week, I know nothing of this drama.

- I have been extremely worn out this week and having some other stuff going on that has kind of made me irritable and quiet. I know it's not my normal but I'm hoping to come out of it and hoping for a solution soon.

-I was on facebook last night when I saw that my brother had posted a status saying that he bought 4 new guns. Why do you need 4 new guns? There's two adults in his family and one toddler and please dear god, she doesn't need a gun. I don't understand the need for 6 plus guns in one household. But maybe that's me.

-I found out today from an old co-worker from my California days that my former boss got fired. Now, while someone getting fired in this economy is never good, this woman deserved it. Please, everyone sit down and let Aunty Kim tell you a story:

This takes place a short time before the new medicare rules were set forth and more importantly before the pharmaceutical reps were banned from giving us "gifts" i.e. pens, merchandise, trips, dinners without an "educational" side to it.

Well, this rep was coming around a lot, like every Friday and coincidentally my boss would arrive every Friday morning dressed like a 4th Avenue whore (shout out to my Santa Rosa peeps, holla). The Rep would bring us amazing, expensive food and then shoot the shit with us for like an hour or two and then when everyone was done with their break, he and my boss would go into her office and "discuss" the med order that he handled.

Obviously, it didn't take long for any of us to figure out that the only order handling he was doing was her and ewww. Part of my job there was to stock the floor. Which meant I would occasionally reconcile med packing sheets with the actual product we got. I started noticing things were off and I'm sure you can guess which rep ordered the meds for us. Needless to say, I brought this up to her thinking it was a mistake and she would handle it.

Paperwork went missing, I got called on the carpet for things, so I went above her head. During this time, I found out I was pregnant and was dealing with some pretty heavy decisions. Going above her head just got me in more trouble and without going into more details, she lied and now 3 years later got fired for it.

-Oh sweet vindication you are a pretty bitch.

- If I ever say "I don't have an opinion" on something it usually means "You're annoying me and I don't want to argue with you about something you are probably wrong about anyway". I'm complicated. Also, kind of bitchy.

- I love watching Discovery Health but seriously people, stop putting cucumbers or carrots or other long things up your butt or in your vagina. Golly, I sure hope you wash the vegetables before you insert them.

My Favorite pic from my photo blog:

Laura Bush where were you the last 8 years?

2010-05-13T11:04:00.000-05:00

So, apparently Former First Lady Laura Bush has thought all along that gay marriage and abortion be made legal.

You could literally knock me over with a feather right now. Part of me thinks it's all fine and dandy to say this AFTER eight years of being the closest person to the President (besides his puppet master Chaney) and while she claims to have thought this all along well, why didn't she speak her mind?

I guess, I come from a different generation and probably have one of those "I'll stir up shit if I really believe in it" kind of personalities. So in short, regardless if it's my best friend or my latest main squeeze, if I don't agree with someone I usually say something about it. It's just kind of the way I roll.

And it seems when it comes to the topics of abortion and gay marriage it's split down the middle, you either are for it or you aren't. There are very few people who sit on the fence with those topics. And me, being me, I have a hard time excepting people who just sit around and say nothing while people suffer. Yes, I said suffer and no I am not touching the abortion subject, I am strictly talking about equal rights for same-sex couples.

Being the wife of a Republican President, I guess speaking her mind about same-sex marriage would not have been the best move, she probably (and more an likely was) censored by his staff. She probably was warned against saying such things because it wasn't in the "agenda".

I know she wasn't the President, but she still had a level of "power" that not many of us enjoy. Sometimes, I just wish for the sake of my brother and those who fought for the same rights I enjoy could have had someone behind them when all their rights were being denied.

But we can't always have what we want. And I do applaud her for finally saying something.

It's also pretty obvious I could never be a Republican politician's wife. I would surely piss some people off.

Question of the day:

If you were married to the President and you had different ideals, would you speak your mind?

Twenty-something

2010-05-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

Today is my parents twenty-something anniversary. I say twenty-something because it has been less than consistent over the years but lately things seem to be on the right track.

So, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

May 12, 1984

May, 2010

Birds and bloody legs

2010-05-10T13:30:00.001-05:00

I had a Jayman moment today driving to work.

I was driving along at 3 am going to my new job when suddenly this little robin bird flies down in front of my car and then flints back up. Well, he didn't have enough time to clear my car, instead he slammed into the grill and then sort of somersaulted up to the windshield where he kind of when splat, but he was on his back and still trying to flap his wings, so I assume he was still alive.

~~Or I was going so fast that his limp little wings just kept flapping.~~

Then the poor little bird just kind of bounced off my car all the while I was going "ahhhhhhhh" real kind of half asleep like. I didn't see the bird hit the ground just some feathers kind of float around all crazy like.

The bird is totally okay, right?

Right.

So I shaved my legs yesterday real quick style mostly because I was running late and because I had a forest on my legs and I couldn't exactly go out like that. So I just grabbed my razor, wet it a bit and then shaved them. Why? I dunno, maybe I thought this would go without consequence.

I didn't realize anything was wrong until this morning when I woke up and my legs were on fire and there was dried blood and I was all sleepy and trying to put on pants and I again was like "ahhhh".

It looks like Edward Scissorhands decided to get all romantic and give my legs a massage. A bloody, raw massage.

The M word

2010-05-08T04:30:00.001-05:00

You get a bad wrap sometimes, being the birth mother. People naturally want to hate you. They assume you just abandoned your child. They don't understand how someone could "give away" a baby. No one really cares about what happens to the birth mother, or the thought process that goes into it or the lack of emotional care afterwards.

"You must not care."

"How can you give up that baby after you've held him in your arms?"

"What kind of person are you?"

"You don't deserve to be called a mother."

As many times as I have been told, heard, or have people imply these things to me, I have felt them ten times more. I must not care, I must be the devil and be heartless, I must be a terrible person, I don't deserve to be his mother.

But I am.

At least biologically.

When I look at the two year old blond boy who occupies my daily thought, my nightly dreams, I see bits of myself. He has my high cheekbones and my full bottom lip. From the letters I receive from his parents, he has my hardheadedness and my lack of grace.

I like to think of my life as Before B and After B. Before I was a wild, careless kid who got what she wanted regardless of the consequences. I say I wasn't a good person until I became responsible for this little person and it's true, I wasn't. But then I picked his family, then I held him in my arms and knew that I had to change. I had to make this little person proud of me.

Deciding to place my son was a complicated decision, one that I don't think I fully shared with anyone yet and I probably won't. Things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. I thought I would have more access, I planned my life around having more access, but things don't always happen the way you want them to.

They really don't explain the grief process, about how much it hurts to see pictures of him, to know that you might never be accepted as a member of his family by him. I worry so much about that, that he might never come and find me. That he might never want to. For a while I worried he might and how friends, family, my spouse my feel about that, now I worry he never will.

But this is the choice I have made. For him. So that he can live a life better than I could have given him. I write him letters and send gifts, every six months I get an update with pictures. In my closet, hidden behind Christmas decorations and winter scarves lies a box filled with baby clothes I collected while going back and forth over my decision. I can't bring myself to get rid of them, there are days I open the box and sift through them, there are days I wish I could burn them.

It's not easy being the birth mom, every day you're reminded, every day you wonder if you made the right choice. Decisions haunt me.

Even with that doubt, I know I made the right decision. My son is safe and happy and to me that's the best thing in my world.

Friday Random Thougts # 7

2010-05-07T06:55:00.000-05:00

- So apparently these random thoughts have become more of a cleanup post but whateves.

- If you've been paying attention you'll have noticed that a few of my recent posts have disallowed comments, well, I am doing it again this weekend. The reason I do it, is for the most part I use this blog as an outlet and sometimes there's posts that need to come out but I don't want it to seem like I want sympathy and sometimes nothing else needs to be added to the post. I simply need to let it out and walk away. So, that's why I disallow comments. Does this not sit well with you all? Thoughts?

- Today is my last full time day at my current place of employment, I work four hours on Saturday but that's just to cover someone. I have a lot of trepidation about this new job, mostly because I hope it offers me enough stability.

-Oh Mother's Day. One kind of selfish thing about having parents that are JDubs is that I don't have to get anything for my mom for this Sunday. In fact, if I did, I would more in likely get a lecture about celebrating pagan holidays. So, win for me. But, I will say that I firmly believe in the "I love my mom all year round" thing and I do. It also helps me feel less guilty because my parents wedding anniversary is on the 12th, so you know, I get them a present and I don't feel like a hack.

- When I was younger I used to have a reoccurring dream about being chased by mobsters that drove a black SUV and chased me and someone who I can't remember through the grape fields that surround our house. I recently had this dream again after about 10 years. I don't know what to think, I feel more settled than I have in a long time. Dreams are weird.

- In February my North Face boots cracked from I have no idea what, but I only wore them two times and well they died. I sent them in under warranty to get new boots since I really liked the style, well unfortunately for me they stopped making that kind, so they refunded me via a North Face gift card. I have no idea what to use it for since I don't like any of their other boots and have already found replacements I do like. I could get a sweater or something but it seems ridiculous to spend 90 bucks on a fleece sweater I can get at Old Navy for 30. That's just me though.

My favorite picture from my photo blog:

On being the minority

2010-05-06T07:35:00.001-05:00

When I worked in Seattle, I met an old woman who can be best described as a former crack-addict, minus the crack but maintaining the emotional stability of a ADD five year old. She was a patient of mine who while being severely unstable would often have moments of clearness of mind that would shock me with the weight of her words.

This was the case one such afternoon that she was showing me pictures of her grandson who at two weeks old had the hair of a 25 year old black man. He had so much curly hair that it shocked me. I said he had "good hair", I meant it as in he had good hair for a baby, since most newborns are bald or have patches of missing hair. Hey, it happens, but apparently not for this little kid.

The woman told me to never, ever refer to any black person's hair as "good hair" even if I meant it in a positive way.

I'll be honest when I say I am not entirely sure what is wrong about saying someone has good hair, but then again, I am a white woman with thick brown hair. According to some people this is "good hair" why? I guess because it's not course and I can do the "Farrah Faucet shake".

This was my first foray into a completely different world. I grew up in Northern California, the population was mainly made up of white and Hispanics. I had black friends but it never even occurred to me that maybe that wasn't all their own hair. Seattle was a sea of pale white people in flannel with the occasional different shade in the mix.

Living in Chicago, working on the West Side has provided me with the rare opportunity to be in the minority. I am the only white person there. I am surround by so much new culture. I am surrounded by new experiences, I am surrounded by people who accept me for my whiteness and laugh at me when I have questions about the terms they use.

I'm not going to lie and say that it was never awkward, that I don't have moments of trying to think of ways of saying something to not offend anyone. And no, I don't believe in being politically correct all the time, but I also don't believe in hurting people's feelings. I like to keep things neutral.

Having the ability to listen to viewpoints, life experiences so different from mine has given me a different take on life. I grew up sheltered, I grew up wealthy, I grew up to not be afraid of police, I just viewed them as a pest. A lot of co-workers are quiet passionate about the hatred of the police, most of this I only sort of understand.

My parents taught me to look past color and judge a person for who they are. I haven't always been successful at that, in fact, to be completely forthcoming, the first thing that flashed through my brain on my first day was that they weren't going to trust me and that I wasn't going to fit in.

There are times that I am shocked at the language or their viewpoint on something. I think my greatest challenge at this point is realizing that not everyone thinks the way I do. While I always appreciate a different viewpoint sometimes it shocks me the way people put it, I can be blunt but they are BLUNT.

In the end, they accepted me as much as I accepted them, it's no longer awkward, I no longer feel like I don't fit in. We just are.

And as far as hair goes, well, I don't really like my hair, but I imagine I'm not the only woman (of whatever skin tone) that feels that way.

How many men?

2010-05-05T07:00:00.004-05:00

I read this article about a study then did on how many men women date before they meet the so called "Mr. Right".

Now to be honest, the article seemed more interested in how much women spend to find this guy, I however, am interested in how many men you have to date.

I was going back in my head about how many men I have actually dated as in for more than 3 dates. There was Mike (15 years old), Ryan (16-17) Keith (17-off and on 22) Jim (the dirty dirty pastor) Jim2 (the Republican) and then Ben. So, that's six guys I've dated. That leaves me with 18 more men, that is of course if I consider long-term relationships to be the only dates considered.

What about those other guys that you just get to second or third base with? Or what about the rainbow party boys (as much as I dislike Oprah, this shit does happen, I wore gold). If we were going with that, well, where's my damn prince?

I don't hold much credit to surveys, I mean, we are all obviously different people, not all of us have the same experience and/or morals. But if I have to date 18 more men to find the guy then kill me now because there is no way in hell I can tolerate more bullshit.

I wish sometimes it could be easy as just blowing 18 more guys to finally settle down (someone has to do it)

Maybe I'll just be single forever and become to crotchety old lady with her cat.

Question of the day:

Why does microwavable popcorn taste better than the kind you make on your stove? Does this make me crazy?

Listening to: The Verve Pipe "Photograph"

Three Words

2010-05-04T07:00:00.003-05:00

There are three words in my line of work that can literally shut down the place quicker than you can figure out the L map.

I don't pull that card out very often, in fact I've only done it once before. The first time was back in Seattle when I worked at a downtown county hospital filled mostly with crack addicts and homeless transvestites. (Transvestites in general are good people, these however were not.) We had a certain patient who was drug searching and had threatened to charge nurse twice, the second time we had to lock her in the drug cabinet and call the police.

After the police came and hauled him off, I marched down to HR and stood there with my arms folded until someone talked to me.

All it took was "This isn't safe" to get management to run around with their arms in the air hustling up extra staff and security.

I take those three words extremely seriously. I don't throw them around for nothing, because I know if those words were uttered to the right person, the whole place could be shut down, thousands in fines and job losses.

I uttered those words again today, in private to my boss. We have had four days of working incredibly short (minus a nurse and two techs). State and (now) Federal law says that 5 patients is max per tech and 12 per nurse. This is for safety reasons, obviously, our time can only be split between so many people.

For the sake of not boring you with numbers, I will just say that most of these four days I have been way over the max patients allowed on every shift. I come home from work ready to bite some one's head off, we're all burned out. The patients are not getting the care they deserve.

It's just not safe.

Are we getting more staff? No, but I'm taking a vicodin before bed and my xanax.

Question of the day:

How do you define sex? Tab A in slot B, a little nomnomnom or hey-o wrong hole buck-o? or all of the above?

Listening to: The Script "Breakeven"

Reflections on six extra years of life

2010-05-01T06:55:00.005-05:00

Six years ago I wasn't in a good place.

Today I am.

Six years ago I had to go to a very dark place to finally see the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it takes hitting the bottom and twisting around in the undercurrent before you finally realize you are worth it.

Sometimes it takes being pumped with charcoal and being held for 72 hours before you realize that you do want to live.

Sometimes it just takes something to bring you out of it.

So here I am today, proof that you can get better, that you can move on, that you can be normal. Well, maybe not normal, but as normal as anyone is.

I'm not saying it gets easier, because it often doesn't. Sometimes it feels worse, sometimes it hurts so bad your chest feels like it's going to concave on itself.

I guess the difference between then and now is that I have the tools, the experience and the will to make things better, to at least convince myself that I can make it until the sun shines again and I can breathe again. And I have people. I have wonderful people who don't make me want to change myself, people who I feel comfortable being me with.

I love those people more than words can say.

The worst thing to come from this is how I now realize how my parents must have felt. I have a few vivid memories that slip into my mind sometimes. I'm in the emergency room and the doctor let's my parents in. It's 3 in the morning, I have charcoal stains on my gown and my face. I'm waiting for transport to a another facility. I can't imagine what my parents must have felt.

Sadness? Fear? Failure? Anger?

I really just wish I can take those feelings from them. I know I can't but if I could, I would.

So, I recognize this day, because it made me, me. With flaws and baggage and all those things that come with living a life less than perfect.

I think we need to love each other more, hug each other more, tell each other how our lives would suck without them. I think we need to stop letting teenage girls be mean to other girls. We need to stick up for the fat kids, the ugly kids, the ones who aren't athletic, the ones who sit alone.

Tearing down other people, making them feel like they aren't worthy does not make you a better person. It just makes you small and ignorant.

If I could change anything in this world, I would tell all those kids who feel bad about themselves, who get called fat, who get called ugly, that they are worth it, they deserve better. That all those mean girls really just feel bad about themselves too.

I think mostly, I would tell my younger self that. Everything will be okay.

And it is.

Friday Random Thoughts # 6

2010-04-30T14:57:00.000-05:00

- Ever need a whole week off to just get everything done? Yeah. I need a whole week off.

- Do I think all teabaggers are racists and can't spell? Well, no, but I don't think they are the group of patriots they so desperately want to be. I think they are the beginning of a bad trend.

- Remember how I mentioned a few weeks ago how I was letting go of a crush (I feel like I'm 12) because I didn't think anything was going to happen? Well, I can't let go, so I'm still holding the torch. I'm going to guess that now starts the ignoring from the other party. *sigh*

-I love The Office, I love Jim and Pam and Dwight and Angela but I think this season is slipping a little. I used to just cry with laughter, now it's moments of chuckling. I dunno, just seems different.

- I think I have figured out who Jorge The Robot is.I am delighted in case you are wondering and if it's not who I think it is, well still delighted but kind of perplexed.

-I was raised to be a very independent, make it on your own, just do it kind of family. My mom would tell me all the time, that there will be things I hate doing but to suck it up and do it because that's life and well get over it. As an adult I usually take that kind of approach to things. Suck it up and do it, it may taste gross or be difficult or ruin my schedule but you have to do it. I really have to realize I may be one of the few people who live like this. And to not get frustrated when other people don't do the same.

-The Chicago Tits with Mitts are doing okay. I really don't take fantasy baseball very seriously at all, since, I really have no idea what I am doing. Although I am having great fun laughing at the people who do take it seriously. You know who you are. And by laugh I mean I am kind of judging. LOL.

And that's basically this week. Gosh, I'm tired.

Favorite photo from my photo blog:

"Are bodies begin to change..."

2010-04-29T07:00:00.001-05:00

I got nothing today but I thought I would share this little gem of American culture:

As a side note, why are all gym teachers also sex ed teachers?

Horseback riding?

WTF?

Question of the Day:

If you could participate in a flash mob would you? and what song would you want to dance to?

What's another word for suck, because both would apply here

2010-04-28T07:00:00.002-05:00

There are few things in life that really irritate me.

Like this:

Now, don't get me wrong I love Best Buy, most of my major electronic purchases are from there but this commercial makes my skin crawl.

Follow along with me people, it goes from the dude tossing the laptop to his wife who slips it in the brides bag to the bride tossing it. See, that, it's a chain, a chain of who touched the laptop, it all makes sense. Then the stupid lady who caught the damn laptop is suddenly out in the middle of the ocean with the fucking laptop screaming help.

How did she get in the water? They weren't anywhere near the water at the reception? So, the only way this person could get rid of that stupid laptop was to go out to the middle of the ocean?

This has to be the stupidest commercial ever. It makes no sense, NONE!

It would have made sense if they were on a boat and because of how heavy the old laptop was she flipped over the edge of said boat and then instead of saving herself with the coast guard she threw in the laptop. At least that's the next plausible step in the chain of the laptop. Because it doesn't make sense the way it is.

I want to bitch slap who ever thought of this commercial, it's like they had a good thing going and then ran out of ideas and had to resort to the ocean. It's not even funny.

This is going to irritate me all day.

-*-*-*-*-*-

I was talking to my mom last night and she said and I quote "I had my first blow job last night" no, I'm not kidding, I'm not even exaggerating.

As you can imagine I was lost for words. My parents are conservative Christians, I grew up being told any kind of sex other than missionary (while married and don't ever think about talking about it) was ungodly (as a side note, glad I still don't believe in that).

So, there was some awkward silence while I tried to process the whole situation when my mom sighed dramatically and said: "Oh goodness, Kimberly, I don't mean that, your mind is always in the gutter, I meant the shot."

What surprises me more than my mom's first blow job confession is that she actually drank a shot. She's been known to sip on a fuzzy navel or partake of the wine from the grapes that grow in our fields, but never hard alcohol.

She liked it, a lot. So, we might be related after all.

Question of the day:

What would surprise you the most to learn about a member of your family?

Did you feel it move?

2010-04-27T07:47:00.000-05:00

There was lots of cleavage floating around the twitterverse yesterday. No, all the ladies didn't get drunk and decide to flash everyone, they flashed their lovelies for none other than to prove to sumdood that all these scandalous woman in fact are not the cause of earthquakes.

Lord, I hope there's no earthquake, that would just be a bad coincidence.

So we at the Kim house decided to get involved because who doesn't love some boobies?

And I'm from California, earthquakes don't scare me. ~~I'm going to shit my pants if there's ever a tornado but earthquakes, meh.~~

Of course you can't see the goods, I am an innocent, sweet, virginal person.

~~I also lie.~~

Then Scully was like, what the fuck, Kim? You don't even ask me if I want to show some cleavage?

Scully is such an attention whore.

You know what's more scandalous then women running around in low cut tops?

Cat nipples.

Cat Nipples from Kim Royer on Vimeo.
I do this for you, in the name of SCIENCE. You can't fuck with science.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm pretty sure my cat is smarter than I am. For the past three mornings has duped me into giving up my warm bed.

The first time he sat next to me mewing until I woke up and got up to feed him, then I checked twitter and some blogs then ate some breakfast and decided that since I was up I might as well stay up. Then I spotted his food bowl, untouched. he wasn't in his usual spot by my chair or under the bookcase, he was basically MIA. Until I looked in my room and he was cuddled up on my side of the bed, softly snoring.

The second time he head butted me until I got up, he ran towards his bowl all excited as if he was in a jihad and his virgins were awaiting him. I once again fed him and stumbled around picking up scattered clothes to do laundry. I went downstairs and started my laundry and when I got back, I once again spotted his food untouched and once again Rufus was in my bed, fast asleep in my warm spot.

And this morning? The same damn thing happened.

It's on cat.

Question of the day:

What or what were you booty call rules?

About the job

2010-04-26T07:00:00.001-05:00

When I first moved to Chicago, I was under the impression I would get a job quickly. There was a need in my field and I had the credentials and the experience to just hop in. It took a month before I started working and I took the first thing that was thrown at me.

It paid low (real, real low) and had crazy working hours (52 a week) yet my boss is good, my co-workers are great but I'm tired and struggling to support myself. So I continued looking for another job almost the moment I got hired. I've been interview by a few places but finally settled on one not far from my house.

More money, closer to home, will cut my commute by at least half, I really can't see any negatives. Even the hours are better. I have the mid day shift, from 11-6 or 12-8. Can't get better than that, really, except, it seems kind of late, dinner would have to be pushed back, life would be altered a bit. Oh God, change, it freaks me the fuck out.

My hesitation simply resides in change, going from feeling safe with one group of people to not knowing another group. But, I'm sure it will work out. Also, I will be uninsured again for 3 months and while that is pretty damn scary, it's nothing really new. I will make it through just like I have before and just pray nothing happens.

At least at the end of the three months I will have insurance, so there's that.

So, here's to hoping this works out, here's to hoping I can get enough sleep and have a social life, here's to hoping I can make enough to safe for a vacation instead of just paying the bills. Here's to surviving!

Question of the day:

If you just killed someone, where would you bury the body?

Reflecting on the call

2010-04-25T09:41:00.001-05:00

I spoke on Friday about an opportunity for fun and while I ultimately refuse to publicly talk about the fun in sordid details, I can confirm that it was indeed fun.

That was three funs in one sentence. I fail at blogging.

I don't regret a minute of it, honestly, and for the most part there will be no weirdness when we will inevitably see each other again. But I can't say for sure that we will have the same sort of fun that we had before. It's not that it was bad because it wasn't it's just not exactly the lifestyle I want.

I'm not entirely sure what lifestyle that is but I'm not entirely comfortable with it. I spent a lot of years jumping from relationship to relationship, often times with the worst guys possible and now that I got that out of my system - that being oh hell, it's been too long since I've gotten some - I think I've figured out what I want.

The weird thing is (at least to me) is that I still have a thing, can you call it a thing? for this other guy, but distance and other strange factors keep it from ever happening. I want it to happen but deep down I know it won't. So I have this thing for this guy and I just feel guilty for I dunno what. Maybe I'd rather be doing what I am doing with him instead of some guy I met a few months ago?

But you can't change circumstances or distance so here we are. I guess, all I'm trying to say that I am ready for more significant relationships.

It was bound to happen, you can't be wild and crazy your whole life, at least I can't.

As Pink said "I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin' 'Cause I'm the only one in the world that you know won't be home".

Friday Random Thoughts #5

2010-04-23T07:05:00.004-05:00

-Yesterday I tweeted this:

And then I got this reply a few hours later:

It wasn't me I swear. So, I am a little curious who it is, because while I am a little creeped out I am also quite flattered. Okay, I'll admit it, I am really curious about who set it up.

-So the Gov of my new state has brought up the ~~stupid fucking~~ wonderful idea of adding a state tax to all iTunes purchases. Now, I am not one to complain about taxes. We have to pay them, it's part of life, but this I think is just ~~fucking~~ stupid. I know other states pay state taxes on this but c'mon! I live here now, the whole world revolves around me! Plus it's not like I don't live in one of the highest taxed places in the US, or anything...oh wait. But never mind, I will just ~~continue~~ pirate music. Oh, I sleep just fine at night, thanks for asking.

-My San Francisco Giants were doing fantastic the first 6 or so games and then they hit the downward spiral that as a lifelong Giants fan I have come to expect. While I am still optimistic about this season I am still a bit reserved. Let's try to get it together boys!

-I have a panel interview today. I have never been interviewed this way before so I am a bit nervous. But, I have a pretty well rounded CV and have lots of experience so it should go well. We shall see.

-My interview is at 2 and usually after work on Fridays I go grocery shopping and pay all my bills, but since this interview is right after work, I have to push all that stuff back. I feel really overwhelmed because of this. I know I can hold off on the groceries until Sunday but I can't. I know it doesn't make sense but there ya go.

-I have a "scenario", let's say you were given an opportunity for some fun but you kind of think you might feel bad about it in the morning. And it's what they would call "no strings attached" which I know is bullshit but still, it was uttered. So, do you venture into that territory or do you just not go there?

My favorite photo from my photo blog:

Love is love, why can't we all accept that?

2010-04-22T07:05:00.003-05:00

I had a gay brother. I use the term "had" because he died 13 months ago.

My brother had been with his best friend/lover/domestic partner for 10 years, but that didn't seem to matter to the hospital staff after his partner was injured in an on-duty car accident (he is a CHP officer). My brother and his partner were each other's power of attorney and it took a few calls from lawyers and threatening letters before my brother was able to see his partner in this hospital.

This was five years ago, a lot has changed since then, but apparently not when it comes to the rights of our gay and lesbian friends and this time, it strikes too close to home.

I was born and raised in Santa Rosa, California so, I was kind of shocked to find out that in my home town a similar and yet more horrific fight was raging.

Harold and Clay had been life partners, best friends and lovers. They filled out all the paperwork that is suggested by Gay and Lesbian rights lawyers but had yet to file for Domestic Partner status.

Then Harold fell and his health problems mounted. He was placed in a nursing home and his partner was not told which Skilled Nursing Facility he was released too. In fact, he was given no information whatsoever about Harold. Soon, Clay was forced into a nursing home and all of their mutual, shared property was auctioned off by the County of Sonoma.

The county claims they had reason to suspect Clay abused Harold thus why they didn't allow contact, but that was shortly dismissed.

Everything the two men shared in the past 25 years was gone, sold at auction, no remorse, no human empathy, but it gets worse. Harold passed away shortly after his admission to the nursing home, Clay was not allowed to be at his bedside.

The article puts this into words better than I can:

After 25 years of a rich and shared life of devoted commitment, a couple at least deserves being able to be at each other's bedside at the last moments of life. Not only was Harold denied that comfort, and Clay denied the ability to be there to say goodbye to his life partner, but Clay was stripped of everything that mattered and gave him stability in his life.

So, what now? Well, Clay is suing and for good reason. The County of Sonoma is in hot water and receiving national attention for something I am sure they are cringing about.

I guess what makes me so angry is because I never felt I grew up in a homophobic town. I knew of the challenges my brother faced, I sort of understood, I even saw the hate from people who can't see beyond themselves. But I never thought in the last breaths of life would someone be denied to be with the person they love.

It makes me sad, it makes me angry but most of all it invigorates me to do something about it, for my brother, for everyone else that has passed through my life that can or could be denied the simple right of loving who they choose.

If you feel so inclined, you can do a few things yourself:

This was taken from the Facebook page:

*** WHAT CAN I DO? ***
1) RAISE THE VISIBILITY of what happened to Clay and Harold. Post an article, invite people to become fans of this Page, tell your friends. Contact your local LGBT group and ask them to do the same.

2) CONTACT THE MEDIA:

Visit the following link for a comprehensive list of national media contact phone numbers and email addresses (submitted by Meghan Stabler - thanks, Meghan!):
http://bit.ly/aYlrw0
Don't forget to contact Rachel Maddow!

The local paper in Sonoma County is the "Press Democrat" (which is owned by The New York Times).

Ask them to perform investigative reporting on the Greene v. County of Sonoma case.

Catherine Barnett, executive editor:
catherine.barnett@pressdemocrat.com
Newsroom: 1-800-675-5056
Other contact info: http://bit.ly/b3RBiE

Contact Gay Sonoma and ask them to run an article on this: http://www.gaysonoma.com/

Many more press contacts are available here:
http://bit.ly/aYlrw0

3) CONTACT SONOMA COUNTY and let them know what you think of their decisions.

Sonoma County Board of Supervisors:
Phone: (707) 565-2241
Full contact info: http://supervisors.sonoma-county.org/content.aspx?sid=1001&id=1000
Email form: http://bit.ly/9w8eRd

Many more legislator contacts are available here:
http://bit.ly/aYlrw0

4) You can also contact Calla Rongerude at the National Center for Lesbian Rights: 415-392-6257 x324

Different

2010-04-21T07:08:00.003-05:00

I miss the sand the most. It wasn't the sand you see on the beaches of Maui or even Malibu, it's the kind of sand that is made up of tiny smooth stones and seaweed, it smells like the sea, the wind is bitter and the skies cloudy. But on some days you can see out until the sky kisses the water. The water is ice cold and it turns your toes pink but it doesn't matter because dodging the playful slaps of waves keeps you warm.

I love this ocean, with it's imperfect sand and stiff breeze. It was where I grew up, a mere 45 minutes from my childhood home. Five minutes from the place my parents bought to fill the void.

I miss it some days. I miss the spontaneity of going to the beach after work. Of building a bonfire in the sand, of passing around a bottle of Jack to keep the chill out. But time changes and Seattle called my name.

I miss the sunrises of Seattle. I miss the pinks, purples and oranges that mix to leave you speechless in the glory. I miss the way the wind blew the green leaves. I miss how even when you were downtown it felt like a small town. I miss Pike Place Market and the frozen fish faces. I miss the way Seattle smells, a mix of trees and sea. I miss being surrounded by mountains. I miss the summers and the ninja squirrels. I miss walking the university campus and being surrounded by knowledge.

I miss screaming until I was hoarse at Husky Stadium. I even miss wearing purple every damn day of the year. Seattle wasn't perfect, my time there wasn't perfect. I moved there trying to run, which was wrong, I should have just moved there to be.

Chicago is different, it smells different. The clouds look painted in the sky, the sun seems larger and the humid air makes me hair fluffy. The traffic isn't that bad and neither was the snow. I feel settled here, I've found my way in the city. I can successfully get from point A to B with little trouble. I feel like I could make this home, I like the changing of seasons, of the diversity of experiences here.

It's the first time since I've been on my own that I've planted flowers, surely that's a sign that I am content. I see myself settling into family life, settling into not being the crazy girl of my youth.

I've never been the only white person in a room, ever. It doesn't bother me and I might take crap for even mentioning it, but it's different from anything I have ever experienced. Not a bad different, but a good different.

Chicago feels good, for now. I fear my wandering soul will try to whisk me away somewhere else, but for now, I don't feel the need.

Show me yours, I'll show you mine.

2010-04-20T07:15:00.000-05:00

When I told my mom I was pregnant, she openly sobbed. When my mom found out I had tattoos she screamed and yelled and cleared out my grandma's house faster than you can say Ausgerechnet jetzt!

It strikes me funny now how my mom was more furious about the tattoos than the adultery I committed but not much about my family is normal - whose are anyway?

I remember it pretty clearly how she found out. We were in Florida, in June and my grandma was dying. Florida in June is on the warm side, I am not sure how I thought I could get away with her not seeing my tattoos.

Now, I had made it through airport security and the secondary security check without my mom seeing the thirteen stars that arch up my ankle. But of course, the moment we settle in at Grandma's house, while I am wearing thick socks and long pajama bottoms does my mom with hawk eyes spy my tattoos. And then she bellowed and cried and screamed and my cousins suddenly had to go put air in their tires.

I gathered my mom was just disappointed and a bit worried about finding myself a "nice Christian boy" to love me and my tattoos, I haven't had any nice Christian boys lately but I also haven't found any dirty biker boys either. So there ya go, mom!

Anyway, the whole point of this whatever you call it, is that people are usually fairly shocked to find out I have tattoos, at least for the first week and then realize I am kind of crazy and they really shouldn't leave their tazer unattended around me.

I guess, I can't be too surprised people are somewhat shocked when I show them my ink. All of my art is hidden on my body. I work in a professional atmosphere and while I don't care if other people are sleeved, I would be too worried I would be denied a job based on my skin art. So I placed all my tattoos on locations that can be easily hidden if they need to be.

Except of course, my foot. There are thirteen stars that go from my toes to past my ankle bone. And no, the thirteen stars are not in representation of the thirteen colonies.

Thirteen is my lucky number and I have a deep fascination with space and while in some areas of California, the star can represent many different things, for me it was just because I like stars, not because I am in a gang or want to rep Norcal.

The stars were actually the last tattoo I got. My first is on my right rib cage, I got it there because I wanted to cover up the rather ugly chest tube scar. And while you can still kind of see the puckered scar, most people focus on the song lyrics sketched across my skin than the actual scar. As a side note, if you can guess the lyrics, you get a dollar. And because I am a giver I will even tell you the song and the name of the band: Green Day and "Wake me up when September ends" and go!

The second tattoo I got was dog paws on my left thigh. They are actually my dog, Milo's paws. Let me tell you, getting a dog to step evenly in ink then on paper is not easy, at all. But I love my tattoo and it is perfect because I loved that dog.

The third is a Ouroboros. I got it after my son was born and I ultimately had to make a choice I wasn't completely comfortable with. The Ouroboros is a snake eating it's tale, I can go into how it symbolizes my own rebirth after destroying myself by my actions, but let's not go there. It sits high on my right thigh and needs some repair. Thus why it's not pictured.

So, those are my secrets, which aren't so secret.

Question of the day:

Do you think the happy cows in California trash talk the not so happy Wisconsin cows?

Monday ≠ Funday

2010-04-19T07:45:00.008-05:00

Oh Monday you are a cruel bitch.

A few things I wanted to talk about today. First being a subject I brought up on Saturday on Twitter, Dodger's Pitcher Vicente Padilla beaned Giant's Center Fielder Aaron Roward in the face. It left him with several cheek fractures and a concussion, surgery and obvious missed games are in his future. Frankly, he's pretty lucky with the injuries he received.

I publicly called the Dodger's "a bunch of thugs" and I stick by it, well at least for Padilla.. For one, this isn't the first time Vicente Padilla has hit a batter (102 times, as of 4/17/10). He is known for his disruptive behavior on and off the field. Of course, I'm not saying anytime a pitcher hits someone he's being a thug. But when you have someone known for hitting batters intentionally (think Teixeira when Padilla was a Ranger), getting involved in shady shootings and all around lack of remorse for nearly knocking someone unconscious, it's time to let him go.

Yes, I said lack of remorse. From the footage I saw, he looked more irritated than concerned when Rowand was on the ground bleeding from the face. To me, that says a lot about character.

Second thing for today, over the weekend a fellow co-worker passed away. It was unexpected and knocked me off my feet. They had been on leave a week when we heard about it and while I don't have all the information and really can't talk about the information I have, I hope everyone tells the people in their lives how much we love them. Sometimes, kind words is what's needed.

I had a rather quiet weekend, which was what was needed. I am rather excited about planting a garden on my balcony and attending a lot of little league games. Wait, do they call it little league if the kids are 13 and 14?

Question of the day:

Without consequences, what is one thing you want to do right now?

The List

2010-04-18T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm turning twenty-five in July, which to me means I am closer to thirty than I am to twenty, which makes me all crazy.

And by crazy, I mean crazier than normal. I think to myself oh god, thirty, I'm not even dating, I can't be thirty and not married and not have lots of little babies! Which you know, is awesome if your not even dating anyone and your brain and body are screaming Marriage! Babies! Mortgage! I am sure those thoughts will bring all the boys to my yard.

Please Gawd, don't let me die an old maid.

I started thinking about all things I wanted to accomplish before I turned thirty which had nothing to do with Marriage! or Babies!.

So here it is:

1.) Take a trip with my mom to the German countryside and see where she grew up.

2.)Swim with Dolphins. Preferably Dolphins in the wild because I'm not a big fan of animal theme parks.

3.) Get published, either a book or a short story in a magazine.

4.) Go to a Bears game.

5.) Get all of my living siblings together in one room. It's been 18 years since we have all been together, that's too long.

6.) Stand at the farthest edge of the Continental United States, on the East Coast (I'm thinking Maine).

7.) Locate my great aunt and tell her about her sister, my grandmother's death, since no one has been able to locate her.

8.) Get a family dog and a place that has a yard so said dog can run around.

9.) Build a house for Habitat with Humanity.

10.) Have the opportunity to help out again during a natural disaster, helping out after Katrina was one of the best things I have ever done.

11.) Run/walk in a marathon.

12.) Quit my job in the healthcare field and find my passion.

13.) Visit all of the museums in Chicago.

14.) Take my dad to Wrigley Field where I buy the tickets, the beer and the hotdogs.

15.) Prepare a full course meal for a large gathering.

Question of the Day:

What's on your bucket list?

Saturday morning story time.

2010-04-17T07:12:00.002-05:00

Back when I was sixteen years old my friend Renee and I used to take our bikes out to Annadel State Park. We'd usually bring our dogs since both were fairly obedient.

Annadel Park is great for mountain biking, they have clear paths that are often the training ground for the local FD and as I mentioned before, dog friendly.

So we packed up the dogs and the bikes and headed down to the park. After riding around for an hour or so, we were both sweaty and thirsty and I had to pee so we stopped somewhere by the half way mark where there was a small dock and restrooms.

Renee went to pee first while I waited with the dogs and the bikes. We hadn't passed a soul on our ride so far, which really wasn't that odd, we were on a semi secluded path and it was in the middle of the day. The path was too long for business people on their lunch breaks to get some nature and all the uberfit moms always took the cement path for the strollers.

I watched my dog, Murphy, take a running leap into the murky water, instantly turning the white in his coat a slimy green. Renee's dog, a water loving black lab leaped in also, chasing some ducks and geese and all around creating a ruckus.

Renee finally finished with the bathroom, she exited looking disgusted as usual and proceeded to tell me how foul it was in there. I handed her the dog's leashes and entered the bathroom, it was indeed foul, although I didn't expect anything less than that. This was a public bathroom.

Murphy followed in after me, he was the kind of dog that liked me to be in his line of vision at all times. It was irritating at times but also kind of endearing. When I finished my business, I set about cleaning some of the muck off the 100 pound dog. I knew by the time we got home, the green slime would have dried and tangled up his coat and frankly, I had big plans that night.

"Stop it, stop it, stop biting me" I heard Renee say, she seemed for shocked than anything. I figured it must have been the geese seeking revenge. I grew up the geese, those bastards are nasty.

I continued to wash the dog because I knew Renee could handle herself and she didn't really seem all that concerned, just kind of surprised. Plus, it was only a goose, kick it in the chest a few times and run from it. Hopefully, it will get bored of you.

Her dog started to park and this caused Murphy to become alarmed.

"Ah fuck, awww fuck. Stop. Aww fuck. I wanted a nibble. Fuck, stop, fuck." The the voice screamed as I heard whack, whack, whack.

I rushed from the bathroom, Murphy at my heels as I found my friend beating a short man with her bike helmet. He was curled on the ground trying to crawl away. Renee's dog playfully tried to nip at the swinging bike helmet. So much for bringing the dogs for safety.

"Aw please, fuck. Stop. Please."

"What the fuck?!" I said, keeping an eye on Murphy who was glued to my side. He looked scared.

"He tried to bite me!" Renee screamed, whack!

The man took the second Renee spent telling me what happened to get up and start running. The lab half heartedly chased him, his pink tongue rolling our of the side of his mouth.

"Want me to call the police?" I was stunned, not really sure what happened.

"No, I doubt he'll come back, let's just go home."

"What happened?"

"I dunno, he just came out of no where, grabbed my thighs and started nibbling on me. Like a hamster."

"What?!"

"He was nibbling my thighs, so I started hitting him with my helmet."

"You got attacked by a nibbler?"

"Yeah. I think it hurt him." She showed me her helmet when had streaks of blood on it. The cement had drops of blood, "I might have broken his nose."

It wasn't long before two bike riders wandered up on us. They noticed Renee's helmet and asked if we were okay. We told them what happened and they both nodded and said they had heard of a strange man sneaking up on people and nibbling on them.

They escorted us out of the park where we ended up calling my brother and his boyfriend who was a CHP officer and reported the whole ordeal.

I don't think The Nibbler was ever found and any time we would go to the park, I would carry mace and Renee was pretty confident in her helmet swinging ways.

I'm glad we both have a good sense of humor about it since every time I see her I chomp my teeth and we both burst into giggles. Sure, it could have been worse, but it wasn't and it's kind of funny. Maybe, a little.

I'm not entirely sure why I remembered this event in my life but I had the urge to tell it. People are strange and while the guy obviously prayed on people who were alone on the path, I don't think he would have done more than just nibbled, I have the feeling him being beaten up by a sixteen year old girl with a bike helmet was not the highlight in his life.

This was my Murphy (at age age 9 months):

The shelter said he was part German Shepard and part Australian Shepard but he weighed close to a hundred pounds and his head was level with my waist. I think he was part Newfoundland. But lord, I do miss that dog.

Friday Random Thoughts #4

2010-04-16T11:57:00.003-05:00

- Every significant relationship I have had have been with friends. My first boyfriend I knew since I was two years old. My second boyfriend I knew since I was seven. My last boyfriend was my classmate and while we only knew each other for seven months before we started dating, I'd like to think we were pretty good friends before we hopped in the sack. So, I'm wondering since all my last relationships failed (also in an entirely new state) maybe I need to start meeting men at bars?

-If you follow me on Twitter, you might have realized I started protecting my tweets. No, it's not because the Library of Congress is now archiving them, it's because I've had some (how can I put this) unsavory happenings lately and until things simmer down, feel the need to protect them. Because I am very sensitive.

- This weekend my beloved San Francisco Giants are heading down to Los Angeles to ~~kick the Dodgers ass~~ play some ball. Now, by nature, Giant's fans really dislike the Dodgers, I am no exception. So, I will be watching the next three games and I hope to be bragging come Monday morning about how well my Giants did.

- Speaking of baseball, if you look to the right, you can see The ABL Fantasy Baseball League standings. I am the Chicago Tits with Mitts and I created this team logo:

Nothing quite like a baseball glove bra.

-My cat has been extra snugly lately. I took a bath a few nights ago, set out some candles for ambiance and was reading my book when Rufus comes in and stands on the edge of the tub sniffing at the water and all around wanted to just be near me. Which is really odd. I got Rufus about 2.5 years ago and he was extremely feral, he was also pretty vicious. So, it's shocking to me how far he's come from a scared, angry cat to a cat that follows me around and purrs whenever he sees me. Obviously, I have done something right.

- I learned this week that my work wants to maybe, possibly send me down to Southern Illinois for a few weeks this summer to help train some new employees since they are short capable people. I really do not want to do this, but considering I will be getting paid extra and a little vacation might be kind of nice, I am considering it. It depends on if I get this other job or not.

- President Obama resently signed a memorandum to to allow same-sex couples to have visitation rights at hospitals. This is a pretty big step towards equality for them. I am extremely proud of the President for doing this. I strongly believe love is love and when the person you love is in the hospital you have every right to be there with them. How dare anyone invalidate their love by denying them that. /soapbox

So, basically that's everything that was important to me this week.

I leave you will this old Irish Folk song that I found this week and fell in love with:

Of all the money that ere I had, I spent it in good company.
And of all the harm that ere I've done, alas was done to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit, to memory now I cannot recall.
So fill me to the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all.
Of all the comrades that ere I had, they're sorry for my going away,
And of all the sweethearts that ere I had , they wish me one more day to stay,
But since it falls unto my lot that I should rise while you should not,
I will gently rise and I'll softly call, "Goodnight and joy be with you all!"
Oh, if I had money enough to spend and leisure time to sit awhile
There is a fair maid in this town that sorely has my heart beguiled
Her rosey cheeks and ruby lips, she alone has my heart in thrall.
So fill me to the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all.

-"Parting Glass"

Question of the day:

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Confessions of a former something

2010-04-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

Calling myself an ex-Jehovah's Witness just seems so final, like I've dusted my hands off and left it alone on the side of a highway to rot.

I guess I kind of have but I'm still not ready to use the word ex. In fact, the hair on the back of neck still rises when I hear negative comments made about the religion I grew up in, it was all I knew for the first 12 years of my life. It was my extended family, my support, the people who would take me in when my parents were fighting. So, in short, it wasn't all bad.

So, what happened?

Not really sure actually, it was kind of like a gradual thing. I never really liked knocking on people's doors and reading them the bible. I felt like a vacuum cleaner salesman. Most people have vacuums and really don't want yours, sure, sometimes you find someone interested in your vacuum but its a lot of work to get them to accept the vacuum and then you end up just dunking the vacuum cleaner in water and that's really where my analogy ends.

Then when I was sixteen I found out I really liked giving blow jobs and that's totally not even acceptable for married JWs to do. So, that's a mark in the con department. Then at seventeen I realized I really really liked boys and really really liked sex and by eighteen it was the first time I wasn't allowed to talk to my parents. Being disfellowshipped isn't fun, especially when you still like communicate with the people that live in your house.

So, my parents kicked me out of my house and I partied for a year. Then I got into a car accident that left me unable to take care of myself for 5 months. When you're nineteen and you can't wipe your own ass without screaming in pain, you need your mommy. So, I went home and got reinstated, because I needed someone to help me shower and I couldn't work and my parents didn't expect me to.

After all my bones set and my lungs healed and I could walk without crutches, I set about my old ways, I dated a married man and by dated I mean, mated like rabbits. I'm not proud of that, I know I have bad karma for that, let me judge myself before you judge me, please.

My parents were basically clueless, or at least, I like to think they were. I was pretty good at just not making things public, or pretending like I did a good job at that. I think people knew, but as they say ignorance is bliss.

I eventually moved out again, on my own and went to school to finish my bachelor's degree. I stopped going to the meetings, I stopped taking calls and basically just slipped through the cracks. It's easy to do when you just don't show up anymore.

It got easier when I moved to Seattle, I didn't work with 12 Witnesses anymore, I was the only one who knew my past at my new job, at my new school. It was easy to deny the religion I grew up in, it was easy to bring the new boyfriend around to work and make out in public places. No one cared what you did.

I used to blame the church for all my problems but then I think I grew up a bit. The church isn't the cause of my problems, I made those decisions, I choose to disobey the rules I grew up with. I still do, it's not that I think it's a cult, or that I was brainwashed as a child, I just don't believe in what they teach.

You lose a lot when you make that final decision. My parents don't want to know much about my love life, I know I probably won't have my dad walk me down the aisle when I finally get married. I know I can never tell my mom honestly about that cute boy I like, I never have been able to. I've lost childhood friends, I've lost contact with cousins. But I own these choices, I carry them with me everyday.

So here I am. I always make first contact with family, I initiate phone calls and letters, but that's okay. This is the path I have chosen to take and I think I am okay with that. For now.

Bendy straws hold just as much substance as Sarah Palin's head.

2010-04-14T15:22:00.000-05:00

Some uber secret documents were found at California State University. Turns out Sarah Palin has a few "requests" that must be met before she will speak at your organization.

All the hoopla surrounding CSU is the fact that this is a state school using state funding and Palin's requests are on the extravagant side for a mediocre quitter of a Governor. Of course, the school is claiming that all of the "needs" of the former half-term Governor is paid by private funding, which may or may not be true, time will tell on that one.

When I read the story I was struck by some things, first two college students heard that campus administrators were shredding documents about Palin's appearance contract. So, what did they do? They snatched two bags of shredded documents and part of a whole contract that they claimed to find in a trash bin and took it to California's Attorney General Jerry Brown's office.

Talk about balls.

Of course, the school are suspicious about the documents the students found and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it was true but it might just be too good to be true. I'll be honest, I enjoy every wrong move Sarah Palin makes, I think she's an ignorant, idiotic woman who just needs to go away, but alas here she is.

Anyway, what I thought was funny, was some of the leaked contract details some interesting needs of Alaska's quitter ex-Governor.

Like for example if she flies commercial she must have first class (which isn't a big deal) but she prefers a private jet that "must be a Lear 60 or bigger".

It's a pretty good sized Jet. Especially for someone who consistently complains about government overspending.

She also has to be provided with a suite and two single rooms at a hotel close to the University. Why does she need a suite and two rooms? So her eldest child can fornicate in peace? (oh, that wasn't nice) or so Todd can play "zoom zoom on the snow mobile"?

I guess what all this mumbo jumbo comes down to is if CSU and the foundation that supports Palin actually used State funds to have her come out and speak and that they also, being a nonprofit organization, refused to disclose Palin's contract.

I can't wait to see how this one turns out

Question of the day:

So, you're a fake political celebrity, what are your demands for a public appearance?

When the earth moves under my feet...

2010-04-10T16:43:00.001-05:00

"What do we do if there's a tornado? There's no basement here." I said staring across the conference table at our patient educator.

Chuckles went around the room and the girl with the thick glasses spoke first "we don't get tornadoes in the city, so don't worry about it."

"Tornadoes are no big deal, no need to worry." Another piped up as a condescending grin swept across his face. I was the girl from the West Coast, I knew nothing about tornadoes and lake effect snow.

I was less than comforted as everyone flipped to the next section in the disaster manual. To be honest, I was not much worried about having to deal with a tornado in the city, I was more worried about dealing with a tornado at my home.

We skimmed through the terrorism section, not much you can do other than pray to god you aren't in the surrounding area.

"What do we do if there's an earthquake?" The girl with thick glasses said, "our buildings aren't made for those things."

"Oh those are no big deal, over before you know what's going on." I said, confident.

See, we aren't that different, really, our fears are basically the same.

Now for the question of the day:

Why do double stuff Oreos float in milk?

Friday Random Thoughts # 3

2010-04-09T16:08:00.001-05:00

- Today marks the seventh anniversary from my roll over car accident that left me with a broken clavicle, two broken ribs, a punctured lung, a broken ankle and three nights in the ICU. And I don't remember a damn thing up until I came out of my very nice haze of narcotics to find myself broken and bruised up. But I survived with relatively little side effects other than a bit of nervousness when other people drive and I can predict the weather with my ankle. So, because of the Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital trauma team I am alive and healthy today, so I thank you kind ladies and sirs, sorry I bled all over your floors.

- An older gentleman at work asked me out on a date and he offered me hard candy. No joke. I was pretty sure he was kidding, about the date, the hard candy was declined, until he beckoned me over to his bedside and told me we have to be really secretive about our love (no shit). So, there's that and I now I have to break it to the old man that employees can't date patients. Also, he's old, I'm young, I'd like to have spontaneous non-blue pill sex.

- I have been thinking a lot about relationships. Mostly romantical ones and I have come to the conclusion that I am probably going to have to blow out the torch I have been holding for someone. It makes me a little sad but I think I have been pretty obvious with my feelings with little response and so to move on is probably the best course of action.

- My boss was on the floor all day today and she asks me weird questions about my previous jobs and also a little about my family life. At four am. FOUR AM. Woman, I just woke up, give me a fucking break.

- Yesterday, I faxed my CV to a potential new place of employment, I thought I had grabbed all copies and evidence of said faxed CV but it turns out I missed one. Fortunately, our in clinic educator found it and handed it to me laughing his ass off. He's a pretty cool guy, so I doubt any further embarrassment from this.

- I think I want to start calling Twitter The Twitter, it just sounds better when Craig Ferguson says it.

That's basically my week. I work tomorrow and off Sunday and then back to the grind. I do have some sort of nasal crud building up and I really just can't wait to sleep. Like for three days straight, which isn't in my foreseeable future.

For for the Question of the Day:

You are the star of a new late late talk show, who is your first guest?

If....

2010-04-08T16:35:00.005-05:00

I found this meme floating around today and I liked it, so I thought I would do it since I am pretty tired from twelve hours at the hospital.

If I were a month I’d be November.

If I were a day I’d be Sunday.

If I were a time of day I’d be 5 p.m.

If I were a font I’d be Verdana.

If I were a sea animal I’d be a seal.

If I were a direction I’d be Northwest.

If I were a piece of furniture I’d be an old wooden chest.

If I were a liquid I’d be fresh squeezed orange juice.

If I were a gemstone I’d be an emerald.

If I were a tree I’d be a redwood.

If I were a tool I’d be a shovel.

If I were a flower I’d be as sunflower.

If I were an element of weather I'd be sunshine.

If I were a musical instrument I’d be a drum.

If I were a color I’d be lime green.

If I were an emotion I’d be empathy.

If I were a fruit I’d be a lime.

If I were a sound I’d be a whistling wind.

If I were an element I’d be neon.

If I were a car I’d be parked at a friend's house.

If I were a food I’d be my mom's homemade lasagna.

If I were a place I’d be Ambato, Ecuador in spring.

If I were a material I’d be pine.

If I were a taste I’d be a sweet kiss from a lover.

If I were a scent I’d be strawberry.

If I were a body part I’d be a heart.

If I were a song I’d be a baby's gurgle.

If I were a bird I’d be a Northern Pintail.

If I were a gift I’d hope to bring a smile to someone's face.

If I were a city I’d be filled with laughter and culture.

If I were a door I’d be open.

If I were a pair of shoes I’d be flip flops.

If I were a poem I’d be this one:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

By E.E. Cummings.

Question of the day:

What is your superpower?

Puppies!

2010-04-07T18:36:00.002-05:00

My brother and I had this thing when ever we would find ourselves in tense situations we would say puppies!

Why? Well, who doesn't love puppies?

Maybe those people who got killed by Cujo, or if you've ever been licked to death by puppies. I bet that's pretty scary. Tiny tongues of fury.

Anyway, I thought I would talk about some neutral subjects like kittens and puppies and how much babies love milk.

But not about breastfeeding because that's really your choice and breastfed is best fed but I can't tell you what to do with your boobs. You can post pictures of your boobs on twitter, that I don't mind.

Anyway, back to the neutral blog post today, I have two real subjects I wanted to talk about.

First being a this little story about what happened after Constance McMillan got to go to her prom after being denied because she wanted to bring a date, which happens to be another girl and wear a tux instead of a "gender appropriate" outfit.

Turns out they gave her a fake prom where only five other people showed up. The rest of the school was at a secret prom held by some of the parents.

Instead of going into a rage about how bigoted these people are, all I can simply utter is how ashamed I am sometimes of people. If you don't like what someone does, then don't do it yourself, but don't shame people, don't humiliate this girl.

The thing I am trying to remember is that this girl is going to turn out just fine. She will get over this, this will make her stronger (and probably wealthier) and those people, those "adults" who did this to her? They will never grow as humans, they can't see beyond themselves.

Another little story that passed my desk today was a story about a ten day old baby that was denied health insurance because of a "pre-existing condition". You heard me a ten day old baby. We aren't talking about a fifty year old man who has a heart condition. We are talking about a newborn baby.

Can I say how thankful I am legislation passed to protect this little soul?

Now for the question of the day:

If you can change one moment in history, what would it be?

Drawing the line

2010-04-06T17:11:00.000-05:00

I am one of those overly sensitive people. Basically, words hurt me.

I am also pretty open about how I feel politically and religiously. These two things combined often leave me open to ridicule. Which is fine. I allow it to a certain degree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I have been judged a lot in my past. Judged for not getting baptized when people thought I should have. Judged for going to college instead of doing what others thought was best. I've been judged for getting pregnant, judged for choosing to raise my son the way I have chosen. Judged for going away to college and judged more recently for moving to Chicago.

I try not to judge others, I really do. I try not to judge because I know what it feels like to be judged.

So, I am here today to clarify something I wrote a few days ago, since some people have taken it completely wrong. Which may or may not be my fault, since I didn't write 800 paragraphs to add context.

-Now I am not criticizing anyone, but here's a few religious beefs I have on my mind: I was raised that anytime you were in God's house, you dressed up. Slacks, button down shirts, ties and a jacket for men and a modest dress and nice shoes for women. So, I don't understand how people can show up in sweat pants for church. I also don't understand those "come as you are churches". If I go to someone's house, I take off my shoes, if I go to God's house, I wear respectable clothes.

So there is the entire comment I made.

Let me clarify some things using what I base those feelings on, The Bible.

(Everyone turn to 1 Timothy Chapter 2: 8 and 9 - *giggle* this a JDub joke that surely no one will understand.)

I am using The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, in case any one was curious, but I am sure the gist of the verse is the same in any bible.

1 Timothy 2: 8, 9 :

"Therefore I desire that in every place the men carry on prayer, lifting up loyal hands apart from wrath and debates. Likewise I desire the women to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind, not with styles of hair braiding and gold or pearls or very expensive garb."

So here we're talking about a place of prayer, a church, the house of God, so forth and so on. It says, right there in the scripture that we are to adorn ourselves in well-arranged dress. I do not consider sweatpants or sports jerseys or anything like that to be well-arranged dress in context of going to church.

It also says very clearly "not with styles of hair braiding and gold" so it doesn't have to be the most expensive or the best. Yes, we aren't at church to impress one another, but we are there to show respect for God. Just like my statement "If I go to someone's house, I take off my shoes, if I go to God's house, I wear respectable clothes." It's all about respect.

So, yes this is my opinion, based on what I hold true, the Bible. I don't think less of people who decide to go to church in jeans and a T-shirt, it is just not something I would do.

I'm going to make another off-topic point because I feel like it needs to be said to those who might know more than just the average reader. I grew up in a wealthy family, my needs were met, we never worried about cash flow, but we went to a very poor church. My parents never looked down upon anyone for what they wore, or how they lived, or how much money they have. Their money is not my money. I don't care if you have a Gucci bag or not. Frankly, I would be too worried about getting the bag ruined if I had one.

I wrote this because I felt I needed to clarify, I talked personally with one commenter who left her thoughts in the comments. Go read them, they are very insightful.

I appreciate thoughtful comments but for today, I am leaving comments off, simply because this isn't a post that I feel needs more comments, I have written how I feel, I have told my side of the situation and that's basically all that needs to be said.

Oh and just to add another (fucking) disclosure message, this post is not intended to be passive aggressive in any way. I don't roll like that. It is simply how I feel, this is my blog and why I blog. I blog to jot down my thoughts and feelings. It is not a personal jab at anyone.

The ten most influential books (so far) of my teens and early twenties.

2010-04-05T16:22:00.002-05:00

In no particular order.

1.) A Time To Kill - John Grisham.

I lived a fairly sheltered life amongst the grape vines of northern California, so it should come as no surprise that this very book opened my eyes to the horrors of how people talked and treated other people. I was 13 years old when I got my hands on this book. I remember the disgust I felt.

"You pick the right jury and you walk. If the D.A. picks the right jury, you get the gas. It depends strictly on the jury, and in this county you can pick the right folks. People are tired of raping and robbing and killing." Chapter 6, pgs. 62-63

2.) Jurassic Park - Michael Crichton

I saw the movie when I was 7 years old. I screamed for the first 15 minutes then sat in stunned silence for the rest of the movie. I was ten by the time my mom let me read the book. It was the first "adult" book I got to read and the first time I ever read the word "fuck". It was the first time I became so entirely wrapped up in a story on pages. One of my all time favorite books and movies.

" 'I always maintained this island would be unworkable,' Malcolm said. 'I predicted it from the beginning... And I trust by now we all know what the eventual outcome is going to be. You are going to have to shut the thing down. "' Chapter 14, page 74.

3.) The Giver - Lois Lowry

This was required reading in eighth grade. It took me two days to finish and most of it was done in math class while I was supposed to be studying algebra. I remember relating to this novel, I felt confined to the wishes and dreams my parents had for me in the stiff confines of the religion I was slowly starting to discount. This book still sticks with me today, in fact, I may go read it again.

"He was free to enjoy the breathless glee that overwhelmed him: the speed, the clear cold air, the total silence, the feeling of balance and excitement and peace." Chapter 11, pg. 82

4.) The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

I spent my youth in those grape fields. I spent my teenage years reading in a hammock over looking those grape fields. There is something about reading about your home state, reading about what feeds the family in a context of it not being as easy as you have it. Not sure if that makes sense. But it is still one of my favorite books.

"there ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There is just stuff people do." Chapter 4, pg. 28

5.) The House of Mirth - Edith Wharton

At Sonoma State University I took a literature class where this book was required reading. I had never heard of it before even though I love literature from this time period. Needless to say, I got caught up in the story rather quickly. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Lily Bart is a strong, independent woman who can't give herself the chance to be loved. Much like I view myself.

"Miss Bart was discerning enough to know that the inner vanity is generally in proportion to the outer self-depreciation."

6.) The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love, love this era of time. This book was just amazing, my teacher who taught it to us was even more amazing.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had." Chapter 1, pg. 1

7.) White Fang - Jack London

No doubt my love of all things dogs and all things about the frozen wilderness made this book one of my favorites. It is my go to book when there is nothing else to read.

"Much of the Wild had been lost, so that to them the Wild was the unknown, the terrible, the ever menacing and ever warring. But to him, in appearance and action and impulse, still clung the Wild." Part 4, Chapter 1, pg. 213

8.) Disclosure - Michael Crichton

This was the first book that I stole from my mom and the first book I read that talked openly about sex. Not a lot about sex and surely I could have found more risque books to warp my innocent mind. But this was my first and it blew my mind.

"You stick your dick in my mouth and NOW you get an attack of morality?" - Meredith Johnson

9.) Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

Want to talk about my mind being blown? This book did it, it kept me in suspense, it kept me intrigued. All in all, this would be one of my five books on a desert island.

"And with that anger, he decided he was strong enough to defeat them-the teachers, his enemies." Chapter 10, pg 172

10.) The Speed of Light - Elizabeth Rosner

This book is a lot about growing into the adults we want to be even when our pasts want to shape us into something else entirely.

I love.

So, what are your favorite books?

Now for the questions of the day:

You're a famous celebrity and you've just been outed for cheating on your spouse, what are your first words to the public? (Play along people, it's half the fun).

Then and Now.

2010-04-04T10:23:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about my life back in Seattle and my life here in Chicago. It's pretty damn amazing how the transition from stressed out college student to stressed out kind of adult can take place in less than a year.

My life then and now are two completely different beasts. In Seattle, I was a full time student and employed full time at a job I hated. It was probably the worst job I have ever had, yes, even when I worked for my dad cleaning up his butcher shop. There was a lot of blood and pieces of hide and gut.

And my dad wonders why I went vegetarian for two years.

When I moved to Seattle, I was thrown from the very protected world of the California Wine Country to a dark, painful winter, from working in suburbia to working downtown with homeless, drug addicted meth addicts who didn't give a damn how much you cared, they just wanted their cocktails. It was so painfully eye opening that I fell into the very bad place for a healthcare provider. I just didn't care, either.

Perhaps, that is more my problem than Seattle's problem but I just wasn't prepared enough to handle two very different worlds.

Don't get me wrong, Seattle is a gorgeous city. It is an amazing place to live, if situations might have been different, we might have stayed. But they weren't and now I am in Chicago.

I have a job now that is good, we have an amazing team of professionals and the patients aren't that bad for urban healthcare, I came from far worse. I work a bit too much for my liking, but I am ultimately remedying that.

Chicago just smells different, not a bad different but just different. The culture is different, the acceptance level is different. I never thought I could handle living in the mid-west, yet it's not so bad. While I was raised in a very conservative household, they were basically open to everyone and anyone. I was raised to hate no one.

I never thought I could live in what I would consider Republican territory. I know a lot of people think Chicago is liberal, but it's not, really, not like San Francisco or Seattle is. The definition of liberal in Chicago is much different than the liberal I grew up with.

I am learning to deal.

For the first time in a long time, I feel settled, my wandering soul doesn't need to find another place to call home. It seems for now, Chicago is home.

The question of the day:

If you could live any where in the world, where would it be?

Friday Random Thoughts #2

2010-04-02T14:15:00.009-05:00

- Because of a very rare over scheduling of staff at my place of employment I was released early from duty. And because I didn't have to be anywhere until about 130 PM I decided to explore a bit of Chicago. I am a huge Foursquare user and they have a few city specific badges for Chicago, one of which is the hot dog badge which I have (I must reveal I did NOT eat a hot dog every time I checked in, but I was at that location) and a Blues badge. I have a soft spot in my heart for Blues and visiting some historic locations throughout the city was an amazing experience. So, if any of you say that Foursquare has no uses, well, you just haven't opened your eyes to it yet.

- I happen to have this weekend off and I have dubbed it "The Weekend of Me". I spend all day taking care of people, this weekend I plan on taking care of myself. I have nothing planned but some light cleaning and book reading. Seriously.

- While there are certain things I refuse to talk about in an open forum like this blog, I will say that I am always surprised when friends from my "real life" decide the best course of action is to write me really passive aggressive emails about choices I have made in life. Perhaps, I should stop calling them friends. But none the less, they still hurt.

-It isn't often anymore that I let my mood get the best of me. Sometimes I see it coming from afar and sometimes it just sneaks up. But if you follow me on twitter and don't see me for awhile, it's just a break. I need time to step away and clear my head sometimes.

- rah rah ah-ah-ah

- News broke this week that Verizon will be getting the iPhone. I am caving and getting one. I love my Blackberry but the iPhone has more of what I need. I will be gifting my Blackberry to a friend, in case you were wondering. I suspect, if she accepts the gift that all hell will break loose.

- I am considering joining one of those Chicago meet-up groups where they go out and do activities. It's a way for younger professionals to go out and meet friends with common interests. It sounds pretty appealing because I am in a new city and don't really know a lot of people. I like to go out and do things but not always alone. Plus, in all honesty, normal* adult conversation is not something I come by very often.

- I am playing in a Fantasy Baseball league and have absolutely no idea what the hell I am doing. But I am just going to go with the players I have and see how they do. Maybe it's fate, but probably not, I suspect I will stay at the bottom of the pack for most of the season. I am okay with that.

-Now I am not criticizing anyone, but here's a few religious beefs I have on my mind: I was raised that anytime you were in God's house, you dressed up. Slacks, button down shirts, ties and a jacket for men and a modest dress and nice shoes for women. So, I don't understand how people can show up in sweat pants for church. I also don't understand those "come as you are churches". If I go to someone's house, I take off my shoes, if I go to God's house, I wear respectable clothes.

-I was at the Mart of Wal yesterday and while wandering the candy aisle found chocolate crosses that you could eat. CHOCOLATE CROSSES. Now, while I do not believe Jesus died on a cross (it was a stake, it says so in the bible) I don't think it's acceptable to feed your children Chocolate crosses, just seems wrong.

This is my favorite picture of this week which you can find on my other blog:

Now for the question of the day:

Pepsi or Coke? And no you can not say "neither" or "Root Beer" or anything else, just Pepsi or Coke. Your life depends on it.

*not medical talk, yo.

I'm lazy today

2010-04-01T16:10:00.003-05:00

Fits for a lot of reasons:

Now for the question of the day:

If ghosts can glide through walls and doors and other solid objects why don't they go through the floor?

Swing batter

2010-03-31T18:45:00.000-05:00

We are a football family.

My eldest brother played some college ball and there was hardly a weekend during football season that we weren't at a game for my other brothers.

So, it comes as no surprise that I know a lot about football, or pretend to.

My heart belongs to my alma mater, the Washington Huskies, who lost 15 games before they beat USC, Pac-10s biggest foe. I also have a obsession with the Chicago Bears which I contribute to my eldest brother's obsession.

Don't ask me why he loved them so much, he just did and I love them too, even when they suck.

My love for all teams that suck extends to other sports like baseball.

I really don't understand baseball at all, I mean they hit the ball and then run around the bases and the rest of the time they just lounge around?

I think baseball would be more exciting if they had rabid donkeys chasing them around the field when it wasn't their turn to bat. But no one really listens to me anyway.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, teams that suck.

I have been a San Francisco Giants fan since I was born.

My dad would take the family to a few games a year, we'd sit in the bleachers and stare down at Barry Bonds while he got a suntan or shot up some steroids.

We were there for Bond's 755th home run. My dad has a picture of the jumbo tron having an orgasm because he tied the record. It's pretty great.

I have been teased by many ~~really jealous bastards~~ people who called my beloved Giants a cricket team. You know who you are. ~~And I will get you.~~ Still I have remained a faithful fan.

Now, I really don't want to jinx anything, but this might be our year.

And yes, I do say that every year, but this time I mean it.

Go GIANTS!

(Please don't suck)

Now for the question of the day:

At what point did you realize how proud you were of your family?

We really are just sick freaks

2010-03-30T16:31:00.000-05:00

I'm letting you all in on a secret.

(I'm a giver.)

Nurses and just about all medical personnel are just about the sickest group of people you will ever meet.

There has been many of times we have been sitting around the lunch room discussing the particular odor of a G.I. bleed while eating spaghetti, not batting an eyelash.

In fact, there is not much that phases me anymore when it comes to the human body and people's weird obsession with revealing too much about their bathroom and/or sex habits.

Just ask some of my close and personal friends. And patients.

So, while sitting around in the lunch room today one of my co-workers brought up the fact that the Chippendale dancers were coming to the (somewhat distant) Chicagoland area and a ticket for a show at a descent hour was 40 dollars.

Now, I have been to a male strip club and the cover charge was 15 dollars (and didn't include tipping) and all I got to see was some pubic hair, which is my least favorite part of a naked man. (Note towards my comment towards the top, I might overshare a bit too.) So, for 40 dollars I better see some manbits, or at least be served dinner or some beer and nuts (haha) at least.

When I got to go to Vegas two years ago for a work thing I went to the Thunder From Down Under show and it was a bit more expensive then the said above show but it was pretty damn worth it. They did like a little dance and it was theatrical and damn oiled up guys with accents is never really a bad thing.

But this Chippendale's show? I just can't justify it with the bank account. I really doubt my car loan company would be okay with me paying my note late because I got to see some pubic hair from the Chippendales.

Plus, I can go to a strip club for cheaper and possibly be handcuffed to a pole by a fake officer in breakaway pants.

WHO DOESN'T LOVE BREAKAWAY PANTS?!

Question of the day:

You've lost all means of income, could you work the pole? What would be your stripper name and your unique stripper move?

That was my creepy question of the day, thankyouverymuch

Live on the air!

2010-03-29T17:22:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday night, while live on the air, The Burl who has a blog here and here brought up the topic of things you can't do after the age of thirty. I actually can't find the link to the story he was talking about so he might have just made it up, but one of the things he mentioned really struck a cord with me.

You can't blame your mother for all your problems.

I'm going to admit something that I am not proud of. For a long time, I've blamed my mom for a lot of the bad stuff that happened in my early 20s. None of it was her fault, yet, it was easier to just blame my mom because blaming myself would mean taking responsibility for it.

What is it about the word "responsibility" that makes people quiver in fear? Or is it just me?

So, anyway, I was home sick today and called my mom for sympathy and you know, to whine. And I asked her if she had a hard time viewing me as an adult, hell, I have a hard time calling myself an adult. Her answer was predictable for a mother.

It's not easy to look at your child and see them as an adult, having children, holding down a job when just moments ago they were peeing their pants.

For the first time in a long time, I was given the opportunity to be honest with my mother when it came down to religion. I've always held down the stance that what they don't know won't hurt them. But there comes a time, when not stating your intentions is worse then stating them.

The fear of the unknown runs deep in my family.

So, I was honest with her, she still doesn't understand why I left the religion I grew up in. She told me I need to read the bible more and study it until it's in my heart. I told her it never was.

She teared up and I remained silent. I've broken my parents hearts a lot in the past five years, I've disappointed them and most of the time I blamed them. It has never been their fault. They tried their best to make me a good person and in the end, I hope they think I am a good person.

Just not the person they thought I was going to be.

And that's really okay.

I'm still trying to find the right path.

Now for the question of the day:

The world is ending, what's the last song you listen to before it all ends?

Yucky on Yucca

2010-03-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

So basically there is a giant hole in Yucca Mountain in Nevada that was supposed to be used as a nuclear depository, but as most Government "good intentions" go didn't exactly work out.

And because it's going to take the Government years to figure out what to do with this waste of space, I thought I would share a few ideas.

(Feel free to use my ideas Mr. President, I won't even charge you for them.)

- When Dec 2012 rolls around throw a massive rave because their ain't no party like a West Coast party, especially when you don't have to worry about cleaning up after. Maybe. Allegedly.

- Get a little soap and water and semi flood those tunnels for a United States fourth of July giant water slide par-tay!

- Before anyone can leave Las Vegas they have to go to Yucca to get a "check-up" to make sure they are cured of any diseases they might have caught while "gambling" and enjoying the "views" in Vegas.

- A sweet new lounge for Big Foot and the aliens to chill and relax while not freaking out rednecks. You know, they need their rest too.

- A holding tank for all the tea baggers, because really? All those hateful, racist people deserve each other and to be away from the rest of us.

Any others you smartass people can come up with?

Now for the question of the day:

Would you think less of me if you knew that Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" was playing right now and I haven't made a move to change the station and am perhaps sorta, chair dancing?

Friday round-up #1

2010-03-26T11:36:00.002-05:00

This is just a mash-up of things on my mind.

- The Hills was finally cancelled this week, while I will admit to watching it, I am not entirely too sad about this. They are really just a bunch of rich bratty kids who can't hold down a real job. Too harsh? Maybe, but seriously, get a job and stop bitching about how your best friend slept with your former boyfriend.

- Twitter still manages to fascinate me, partially in that every single person (except for spam bots) has a story which they either choose to share or not share. Some really overshare with pictures of their private parts and stories of swinging (not on a tire swing, just FYI), while some just give bare minimum of details, you aren't for sure where they live, but you have an idea. For me, I am pretty public with where I live, hell I use Foursquare, it's not that hard to figure out what village I live in. But of course, there are things I don't share and it's interesting how people tend to assume they know a lot about your life. Everyone has a story, mine is a lot more private than one might think.

- Today I started this diet thing. I hate to even use the word diet but it fits for now. It's time to lose that baby weight. Time to strengthen up and slim down.

- If you haven't noticed at the end of every post I have been adding a question of the day. Most of the time it has nothing to do with the actual post but is just a fun way to have people comment, or just answer it in their heads and never leave a comment. Whatever. I enjoy thinking up bizarre questions and hearing people's answers.

- I have a photo blog, this was my favorite picture from this last week:
Question of the day:

Zombies have attacked your town, how do you escape them and what is your weapon of choice? Oh and your weapon of choice can only be something that you actually have in your house, so no, you can't use an AK-47 unless you own an AK-47.

Talking Penguins and golden arms.

2010-03-24T15:47:00.000-05:00

I was going to talk about the really weird dreams I have been having at night. Like a few days ago when I dreamed Tim Allen was my dad and he got himself arrested by shoving a tape recorder in someones face. I know, weird, and then last night I dreamed I was walking down the street with this giant penguin and he was talking to me in English and no one seemed to think this was weird.

But really that's all I got about those dreams. I am not eating before bed or drinking heavily, my cat might be crushing up benedryl and throwing it into my mouth while I sleep. It's possible, I only dream about unicorns and other weird talking animal shit when I've taken a dose of benedryl.

Then I found this link on twitter.

Basically the story is about this man in Australia who has a rare antigen in his plasma that has saved an estimated 2,000 babies just by donating plasma. A completely selfless act and yet has brought life and joy into this world.

It makes me feel much better about this world, especially since all I have been reading lately is the insanely discouraging comments from people in this country complaining about how much they have to give up with this healthcare reform. Frankly, I think they are a bunch of whiners who think they are the only ones who deserve healthcare because they have money.

But that's not what I want to talk about. I get sidetracked easily also angered by people's stupidity.

Mr. Harrison mentioned something in the article about the reason why he started giving blood, it wasn't because he knew he had this rare antigen but rather because he had a surgery in which he received 13 units of blood.

One unit of blood is roughly a pint, it's actually a tad under and most adults have between 6 and 10 units circulating their body. So obviously, this man's life was saved by 13 anonymous donations of blood.

And because of his life being saved he now has saved 2,000 babies and their mothers and has had a vaccine produced because of him. That just blows my mind.

It's just kind of crazy how something so simple, something that takes less than an hour and doesn't cost us anything other then perhaps some red blood cells, can save so many lives, whether directly or indirectly.

I know this gives more incentive to go out and start donating blood again. I used to do it every six weeks but stopped when things got hectic in Seattle and haven't done so for quite some time. But I am planning to get back on the horse, or um, reclining chair soon. Here's some great information if you are so inclined to donate some of your red blood cells.

Now for the question of the day:

So you're on a desert island, no hope of being rescued and you have this abscessed tooth, how do you get the tooth out?

Following the trail

2010-03-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

I went in to work today for just a few hours to do a training day to finish up the review of policy and procedure. The social worker who was leading the meeting played a little ice breaker game in which we had to pick a question out of a bag and answer it.

Mine happened to be "What is your dream job?"

Seems simple enough right? Maybe a little awkward since I was actually at work, on the clock and being asked to state what my dream job is. Needless to say, it's not the one I am currently employed in.

I've given this question a lot of thought lately, I feel the itch to leave the medical profession for something with less stress, normal working hours and well, nice green lush grass that won't make me itch and cause a weird rash on exposed skin.

I looked back to what my dream job was when I was fourteen years old, which oddly enough isn't far from what I would consider a dream job now. I wanted to own a dog sled supply store in small town Alaska. You heard me. I imagined I would sell dog sleds to novice and experts alike. My own fluffy Husky would wonder the store and greet customers.

While I imagine this dream job will never come true it still basically states what I would rather be doing for employment. I love animals, especially dogs, I love the idea of owning a small business to help out animals.

My second attempt at a dream job would be to work with mother's giving up their children for adoption. There is so much that is not said or done for these women that I so desperately think we need to fix. The aftercare especially is just as important as what is done for them during the pregnancy.

Perhaps, I need to go back to school and get a second degree, this time in social work. While this job will not lower my stress level, it might make me actually feel like I am doing something worth while.

It's kind of funny how one simple ice breaker question can make you reconsider your career path.

Life is too short to be doing something you dread to wake up to in the morning.

Question of the day:

Money wasn't an option, so what's your dream job?

Up and lost your mind

2010-03-22T14:15:00.000-05:00

With the recent passing of the Senate's healthcare bill people have just up and lost their freaking minds.

Especially, it seems, opponents of the bill who have resorted to playground tactics of name calling, including ethnic slurs. Now, tell me, what exactly does calling someone the N word or a "wetback" going to prove? That the person uttering these words is ignorant? Racist? Incapable of proving a point so they have to try to hurt? Probably all three.

What about those who have publicly called for the assassination of our President. Oh yes they have (please, click the link and be horrified). I have even seen it amongst my "friends" on Facebook, a nurse, who is self-employed in worker's compensation, was laughing and joking about assassinating the President of the United States*.

You know that's against the law right? You can't publicly call for an assassination. First of all, what the fuck is wrong with you and second of all good luck getting through airport security from now on. I hope they lube the anal probe.

But I guess what really makes me wonder, is why are so many people upset about this? So upset that they are willing to risk being extensively questioned by all sorts of Government just because healthcare of all has been passed. Why so much hate for our fellow man?

I guess I just don't think like them. I guess, I value all stages of life, I value other people's health. I guess I don't mind having to pay taxes for the common good of all. I pay taxes for police and fire and I don't expect anything back. I don't moan and bitch about paying for the fire department to save someone's life or their home. Why? I guess because, one day I might need some help.

I hear about how this bill inhibits personal freedoms. Apparently, being offered affordable healthcare somehow makes you less free. Some say it's because the bill mandates us to have approved health insurance by 2014. So in a sense, you either buy into healthcare or face a tax increase. Okay, well, there's that. But, what's so hard about buying into healthcare? You need to have healthcare, you probably already have it, whether it's from your job or from private insurance. So now you just need to have government approved.

It's not like the health insurance companies are going to hide these plans. THEY WANT YOUR MONEY. It will be like the heart friendly meals at Applebees, there will be a little icon next to it, maybe a little American flag, or something similar. I don't see how this is a problem. You will be guaranteed coverage, regardless of history. It will be affordable. Get over it.

Of course, then there is the ever popular, FOREIGNERS CAN'T HAVE OUR HEALTHCARE, SOB! Why exactly not? They have to pay to get it. You know, dish out money to have access to it.

I can tell you a few things that you probably already know, but right now, as we speak, we are already paying for foreigner's healthcare. Except at a unregulated, inflated price. I know, because I work with medicare patients every day, some of them here legally, some not. Who do you think pays for that? You and I, right now, from our taxes.

Does this make me happy? No, but it's part of life. If they pay into it, they are contributing, so why deny them?

I guess it comes down to me not understanding why people hate this so much. It's not perfect, no government or action from man ever is. But, it's helping a lot of people, it's helping the working poor, it's helping people like me, who will never be able to get private insurance. I have given up jobs because they didn't come with benefits. I have given up high paying, use my degree jobs because I can't risk being uninsured again.

I am no longer restrained to my job because of the benefits, I can go out and start my own business and not have to worry about being denied because I have pre-existing conditions. I feel like this can open doors. I feel positive.

Of course, I don't know what tomorrow brings, of course I don't think I changed any of your minds. But I feel pretty good about my position on this bill and I guess in the end, all we can do is wait and see what happens.

*I reported this person to Facebook.

Now for the question of the day:

You have the power to make anything into law, what would it be and why?