Rehabbing

I know when it started, it was about 7 years ago, I was recovering from a bad car accident, I was mentally and physically tore up. Wracked in pain, feeling helpless because I couldn't do the things I wanted. I went from an sporty, top of my class sophomore in college to a depressed, tired junior who struggled making it to class.

My injuries healed but I couldn't get back into the groove I had before. It hurt to run, my ankles protested every step. So I stopped.  Then home life got hard, my financial situation was in despair, I was in medical debt from a car accident that wasn't my fault, so I turned to the one thing that I knew comforted me.

I moved out and continued started dating a guy I thought I loved, who was also married and boy was that stupid. Our relationship was what is expected of a foolish 19 year old kid pretending to be an adult. It sucked and I once again turned to the thing that I thought made me happy, my drug of choice.

Then there was my son and I cleaned myself up for him, nothing went into my body that wasn't pure. Then the aftermath of the situation left me once again unable to find my groove and I found myself rounding the drain.

A few years later I struggled, sometimes on the right track other times not so much and then I got accepted into nursing school in the Pacific Northwest. I gained the freshman fifteen and struggled with trying to find my place in a town I really wanted to love but felt incredibly alone in. I hated my job, started hating my school and fed my loneliness with the one thing that made me feel better.

Food.

I know I have a problem, I know I have an addiction. I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am happy, I eat for every occasion. And it's not good, it's borderline dangerous. But it's stopping now. Today. Not tomorrow, because tomorrow never comes.

I've tried lots of diets, from starving myself to only eating meat. But, those don't work, at least not for me. I have to treat this like an addict one. Drug users can't just prick the vein with the heroin needle. They can't go anywhere near it, once a drug user, always a drug user. Like the Marines, only more scratchy.

So, it starts, I have to cut the sugars, the cokes, the chocolate, the calorie-rific foods that have lead me down this bad path. You can say I will feel deprived, but food is my drug, I have to cut out the bad completely to become clean.

It won't be easy, but nothing worth having is easy.

So, here we go, on this incredibly long journey. For health.